Hammers peform Janu(hara)kari as 2018 begins with headlines being made for all the wrong reasons…again

I think it’s fair to suggest that if you were to ask the average football fan whether they think the January transfer window is a good time for their club to be conducting business and whether there is value to be found in the market that the majority of fans would reason quite simply that it certainly isn’t. January of course, is more akin to a window dominated by panic buys especially in the echelons of the large majority of Premier League teams who find themselves gripped by the fear of slipping out of the promised land of milk and money and into the Championship. For those wondering – that’s not a typo either.

One club who seem to signify best all that is wrong with doing business in the January transfer window more than most on an annual basis is West Ham United – though under the stewardship of current owners David Sullivan and David Gold a.k.a The Dildo Brothers, you could fairly level the same accusation at them for ‘both’ transfer windows and not receive many arguments against the notion.

If January 2017 was the month in which David Sullivan’s sons begged him not to sign Jose Fonte and Robert Snodgrass only to see him sign off on both deals, Lord only knows what was going on behind the closed doors of his crass Essex mansion 12 months later. Ever the self publicist, Sullivan announced two days before the close of the window that he was working around the clock on trying to secure deals for West Ham. Eventually 48 hours later and those deals saw the club splash out a reported £9 million on Preston North End striker Jordan Hugill (no me neither) and Oladapo Afolayan from non-league Solihull Moors. I’d for one be interested to know what Sullivan’s kids had to say about those two signings when in a few months time Sullivan no doubt gives another toe curling badly timed interview with the Guardian newspaper which sends the West Ham media team off to bang their heads against a wall for the umpteenth time.

Now not knowing much if anything about either striker you could argue that in signing a player such as Hugill who has played for Seaham Red Star, Consett, Whitby Town and Marske United amongst other teams, that Sullivan is hoping to unearth the new Jamie Vardy. His tally of 30 goals in 114 games for Preston North End would probably piss all over that theory but as I say, it is a theory and I doubt even David Sullivan truly knows what goes on in David Sullivan’s mind. Add to that the Afolayan signing and hey you’ve got two bites of the same cherry though the latter has gone into the Under 23 development squad where he will no doubt be sent out on loan, brought back next January for two or three games and then sent back to the same club a la the two Reeces; Burke and Oxford. Or maybe you may wish to the Billy Beane ‘Moneyball theory’ that both strikers have been signed because of statistics which neither you or me have been party to at this juncture but the club feel can be used to take the them to the next level as the clubs owners famously promised prior to their move to the London Stadium. Or could it just simply be the fact that Sullivan has proved himself to be fucking hopeless when it comes to not only transfers but the purchase of strikers in particular since taking ownership of the club. I for one suspect it’s the latter of the three options.

Now I will give some rare credit to Sullivan for managing to bring in the Portuguese midfielder Joao Mario in on loan from Internazionale. Having seen him play week in week out during his time at Sporting club de Portugal I can testify that in Liga Nos at least he looked a player of some quality. Skilful on the ball, his game management was equally as impressive and if we get the player that left Portugal then West Ham could find themselves with a genuine mark in the plus column of January window successes. With a place in the World Cup squad up for grabs it should hopefully prove to be a win / win scenario for both player and club going forward. The only worry for me is a lack of game time and match fitness having spent the majority of the season warming benches over in Italy having struggled to adjust to the systems deployed in the world of Calcio. Only time will tell on that one.

West Ham fans will surely have learnt by now that every transfer window will see them linked on average with 40 players around the world, 40 of whom won’t ever be signed by the club. Here’s a tip for all Hammers fans out there – simply go and live in a cave for the entire period of both transfer windows by yourself and then reappear into the world to find out who the club actually manage to sign and you will save yourselves a lot of anger and disappointment.

West Ham did manage to swell the coffers this past month however with Swansea City paying £18 million plus possible add on’s for Andre Ayew and £4.5 million with again possible add on’s for Diafra Sakho who went to Rennes and quelle surprise scored on his debut. Whilst neither player could be described as prolific goal scorers, how many West Ham strikers that have come in under Sullivan or Gold could be? Sakho’s 18 goals in 62 appearances gave him a goals to game ratio of just over 1 in every 3 and Ayew’s 9 in 43 a ratio of just over 1 in every 4 which Hammers fans will tell you – as poor as that might sound to fans of other clubs, for West Ham – that’s pretty good. Even better when considering both players have been on the fringes of the team the past 12 months under David Moyes and previous manager Slaven Bilic. It’s OK though to have sold what little goasl scoring prowess you did have because remember the Hammers now have Hugill and his record of a goal in just under every 4 games in the Championship. Actually some of those may have been in League One – I don’t know how long PNE have been in the Championship for now though I might add that quite frankly neither can I be arsed to check. Instead I’m sounding the sarcasm claxon for anyone who may have missed the subtlety in my writing ability there.

The worrying thing for West Ham fans this past month however surely has to be that on and off the pitch the headlines have read like they’ve come straight out of the pages of the Daily Sport. It’s hard to know where to start on what has truly been an embarrassing month for Hammers fans everywhere.

If the closing of the transfer window hadn’t been embarrassing enough with the club failing to buy a single one of the raft of world talent it had supposedly been linked with the headlines were grabbed by allegations that Director of player recruitment Tony Henry had told an agent the club wanted to limit the number of African players in their squad because some “have a bad attitude” and “cause mayhem” when they are not in the team. These comments coming so soon after the sad passing of Cyrille Regis if found to be true show that despite it being 2018, the game really hasn’t moved on all that much in some quarters since the 1970s. Rightly the club have suspended Henry pending an investigation saying it wouldn’t tolerate any type of discrimination. However it has been widely reported that the view was supported by members of the clubs hierarchy. The only thing that leaves an equally sour taste is that the story broke in the Daily Mail, a newspaper known for its racist undertones and who now appear to be trying to take a hypocritically moral standpoint on the whole saga.

I’d like to say that in the past few days this was the only chaotic thing to have happened on and off the pitch but unless you had been sat in a cave, you’d know it wasn’t. If being knocked out to League One side Wigan Athletic in the FA Cup 4th round wasn’t bad enough, Arthur Masuaku received a six game ban for spitting at an opponent following his sending off in the 2-0 loss. I’ve gone on record as already saying that whilst I don’t condone the action of the player for a single second, just how a player having to give his shirt to be washed by the club kit man can be rated as three times worse an act than Neil Taylor breaking Seamus Coleman’s leg in two places for example (he received a two game ban) is just fucking beyond me. On Monday morning anyone listening to Talksport would have heard self confessed Hammers fan and media pundit Ian Abraham’s rant about the incident making it sound like the player should have been given a six month custodial sentence whereas the Henry news was greeted by the same man with barely more than ten words strung together to form his answer just a couple of days later. All around from all parties concerned just fucking embarrassment as far as I’m concerned. Not enough pride or quality to beat a side two leagues lower than yourselves, an idiotic act of petulance from Masuaku, an overzealous ban which doesn’t fit the crime and a reaction from a footballer broadcaster which sounded like a two year old having a paddy after being told no. Apologies if this is turning into a therapy session for the writer.

The spit from Masuaku’s mouth wasn’t the only thing to be seen flying from a Hammer’s players mouth during the month of January after youngster Josh Cullen saw one of his teeth fly out during the away game to Shrewsbury Town which started a series of mind the gap jokes from club captain Mark Noble at his expense. Credit to the lad though for playing on until the end of the game and not taking the Cristiano Ronaldo route of demanding a mobile phone from the physio to enable him to see the damage and decide that playing on wasn’t an option.

The defeat to Wigan of course followed the inability in the FA Cup 3rd round to see off League One Shrewsbury in 90 minutes with the cup tie finally being decided in the Hammers favour after extra time in the replay. After a congested holiday period for fixtures it’s no surprise to see the number of injuries suffered by players start to rise again with the likes of Manuel Lanzini and Marko Arnautovic facing lay offs of six and three weeks respectively.

With a depleted squad due to injuries and suspensions, manager David Moyes then decides that the Crystal Palace game is the prime opportunity to show he meant what he said about time keeping and effort when taking over and promptly dropped fit again Michail Antonio from the match day squad when you could argue he was the only fit player with any real pace in a game where 3 points against your rivals could count for an awful lot in the fight to avoid relegation come May. I’m all for having principles but surely only an idiot voluntarily chooses to shoot himself in the foot at such times. One point was better than no but the opportunity of gaining all three certainly wasn’t helped by this decision against a side which contained pace in the guise of players such as Wilfred Zaha.

Back to the transfer window and we are lead to believe that Leicester City refused to do business with the club over the loan signing of Algerian striker Islam Slimani following comments by Karren Brady last season in her newspaper column about the City owner. I’m not sure if the Sporting President Bruno de Carvalho had coined an extra nickname for Brady after his infamous Dildo brothers comment to describe Mssrs Gold and Sullivan but may I suggest that many Hammers fans would suggest it is linked to the place whereby a lady would insert a dildo and starts with a c.

I mentioned early the recall of the two Reeces; Burke and Oxford and the fact that they were sent back to the clubs they had previously been on loan two on the basis no player can appear for more than two clubs during the course of a single season. One assumes rightly or wrongly that this was on the basis that neither player had met expectations during the games they featured in. However can this period really be a fair reflection on the ability of either player when they’re forced into a team against sides such as Shrewsbury or Wigan where the nucleus of the first team squad is missing and you’re trying to form relationships on the pitch with other players who you haven’t kicked a ball with at all so far this season. Maybe I’m putting too much into that analysis and like always it’s just a thought or an expression of an opinion. However that being said there’s a hint of Jose Mourinho to it who famously said he could tell within ten minutes whether or not a player would make his side or words to that effect. A talent that has worked so well for the Portuguese Manager if you discount the likes of Mo Salah and Kevin de Bruyne from the equation to name just two of the players he let go who have gone onto big and better things.

Despite all the chaos at the time of writing West Ham remain unbeaten in 2018 having last lost at home to Newcastle United 3-2 on December the 23rd. Also at the time of writing it’s just been announced that Tony Henry has just been relieved of his duties at West Ham and quite right too. Perhaps February might turn out to be everything that January wasn’t in what proved to be another chaotic month for the London side.

Hammers transfer woes continue – Part I: At the Hart of the matter

Charles Kettering the former head of research at General Motors once said “You can’t have a better tomorrow if you’re thinking about yesterday.” I mention this because West Ham’s summer transfer window under the de facto Director of Football David Sullivan seems to resonate perfectly with Kettering’s words. Sullivan I’m sure if asked would say it was a summer where the club invested in quality over quantity having learned from the mistakes of the previous two windows. Actually scrub that, I’m not sure Sullivan is capable of owning up to his mistakes. What we do now know with things going continually from bad to worse on the pitch is that the new signings are sadly proving so far to be yesterdays men. Once great players with huge pedigrees in the English game seem ghosts of their former selves and even the most pessimistic of Hammers fans can barely cling onto a hope of a better tomorrow right now.

“You can’t have a better
tomorrow if you’re
thinking about yesterday.”

I want to start by looking at Joe Hart. At the time of writing he remains England’s number one but I for one would argue that had Stoke City’s Jack Butland not suffered from a spell of injuries in recent times that he would have cemented his place between the sticks at international level. I’m not going to say that during Hart’s spell at Manchester City pre-Guardiola that he didn’t deserve the fine reputation he had because he did. What I will say is that in his prime he had the likes of Vincent Kompany and a younger Pablo Zabaleta in front of him marshalling the City defence which would give any Premier League goalkeeper a distinct advantage in being able to keep a clean sheet. Secondly I’ll add the fact that during his loan spell at Torino in Serie A last season he was quite frankly pony and added to that with his current form it’s not hard to work out why Pep didn’t fancy him as his number one choice when he took over and I don’t think it was just down to his ability or lack of with the ball at his feet. Maybe ask Wayne Rooney his thoughts after another gift wrapped present of a goal had been presented to him midweek following on from a Hart howler.

David Sullivan, a man who
I envisage types with one
finger jabbing at a keypad
like a Gorilla trying to
unwrap a Cadbury’s Crème egg

Now I know it’s been 15 years since Channel 4 pulled their coverage of Serie A from terrestrial TV in the United Kingdom but we live in an age now with something called the internet. Even David Sullivan, a man who I envisage types with one finger jabbing at a keypad like a Gorilla trying to unwrap a Cadbury’s Crème egg can surely know that you can access the highlights of pretty much any game from Europe’s top five leagues on demand. Do you think he watched any of Hart’s performances from Serie A last season when he signed him on loan this summer or am I right in assuming he went after the City player simply because he somehow remained England’s number one? I suspect if you polled all the West Ham fans the majority would surmise the latter answer to be the right one out of the two. That doesn’t mean it is true but let’s say it certainly sounds the more plausible.

So Hart had a bad season by all accounts and that should have been a simple warning sign right? Let’s not beat around the bush either, the choice of goalkeeper is critical to any teams success or lack of on the pitch. Maybe you take a chance on Hart if the financial numbers stack up and you feel you’re getting a bargain deal from City just like Torino did last season. They paid a £55,000 per week contribution towards his wages and secured his services without paying a loan fee with City making up any deficits on the deal. If West Ham got a better deal or even the same one then maybe you could suggest that with his experience alone it was worth the gamble even if his form wasn’t what it once was in his prime. Before I compare the two deals season on season maybe I should add some stats from last season for you;

Hart’s first clean sheet in Serie A last season came 20 games in against Sassuolo who finished tenth in the table one place below Torino. I mention their final league position because this was the highest placed team Hart managed to keep a clean sheet against.
In all Hart managed five clean sheets all season. The first against the aforementioned Sassuolo, then against Genoa who finished 16th, Crotone 17th, Pescara who finished bottom in 20th and fellow relegated team Empoli in 18th. So in six games home and away against three relegated teams he manages just two clean sheets in total. Torino finish the season with the fourth worst defensive record in Serie A having conceded 66 in 38 games. That’s two more goals than the Hammers conceded during the same amount of games in the Premier League which I think you can argue is the more testing league and the then manager Slaven Bilic’s side spent a large majority of the season on the ropes its fair to say. Hart twice conceded 5 in a match, home and away to Napoli and AS Roma knock 4 past him at the Stadio Olimpico.

Put simply it’s hard not to argue that Hart isn’t the goalkeeper he once was. So the deal must have been good for West Ham right? Surely the club wouldn’t strike a deal worse than the one which took Hart to Italy right? Well no of course not and maybe now this is another example of what now is the West Ham way. If I was to say it so myself fast enough out loud it still sounds bad so in print it reads even worse so my apologies. If reported figures are to be believed and these are from those quoted in the local Manchester press at the time of the deal rather than from the red tops, the Hammers are paying Hart directly £140,000 a week – yes that’s right £85,000 a week more than Torino. To compound matters further the deal includes a £2million loan fee and let me remind you again that Torino paid a loan fee of exactly two million pounds less than that. That’s fucking insane right? Working with rough figures Torino would have paid a little over £1.75 million for Hart’s services during his loan spell (based on figures for an eight month season). By way of comparison even with City chipping in with an extra £2 million on their part this season, the Hammers are looking at a total outlay of – actually I can’t bring myself to write it down because frankly it’s too depressing. Already Hart has conceded 30 goals in 14 league games. I’m guessing he can’t play against his parent club this weekend which is probably a good thing on current form though it wouldn’t surprise me if City knock six past Adrian on Sunday if he takes the Englishman’s place in goal. I wonder if there’s another part of the Hart deal which states West Ham have to pay City a penalty fee for every time Hart doesn’t appear between the sticks. I’m guessing if Adrian were to keep a clean sheet on Sunday and Hart came back for the games against Chelsea and Arsenal it would confirm any suspicions I have though I don’t hold out any hope of the Spaniard not jarring his lower spine from suffering repetitive strain injury at the Etihad in picking the ball out of the net.

West Ham were reportedly
paying the Republic of Ireland
international goalkeeper
Darren Randolph a
paltry £6,000 a week.

So that’s one summer transfer deal that maybe doesn’t even look right for today. It certainly as it stands hold any weight for the future. Remember not once when asked the question about where he sees his future after this one has Hart stated that it would be with the Hammers. And on current form I for one am glad. Oh one more thing to add to this summer signing; If wages reported in the press are believed to be true then West Ham were paying the Republic of Ireland international goalkeeper Darren Randolph a paltry £6,000 a week. Yes he had his faults but knowing the two sets of wages, even allowing for a massive wage increase on the part of Randolph had he have stayed, which of the two would you choose for the number one slot now had Adrian say gone to have Palace when he had the opportunity in the summer? The disparity in wages of the two goalkeepers is staggering to say the least given the displays on the pitch don’t have much between them. Hart certainly isn’t 23 times the goalkeeper Randolph is if you base it on wages alone. Randolph finished last season with 7 clean sheets and of course you’d hope Hart could get another 3 clean sheets at least in the next 22 games between now and May discounting the two against his parent club to level the record. For me though if you’re going to make your goalkeeper the second highest player in your squad I’m going to want at least ten clean sheets from the next 22 games. I won’t be betting the family heirlooms on that happening that’s for sure.

To be continued…

A very modern Sporting conundrum

Who do you think you are kidding Mr Sullivan if you think we want this deal done?

“David Sullivan likes to talk,” five words uttered as a short but somewhat poignant answer by the current West Ham manager Slaven Bilic to a question in a club press conference about Sullivan’s claims Bilic was offered Renato Sanchez and Grzegorz Krychowiak before the transfer window shut this summer as additions to his playing squad. Maybe unsurprisingly Bilic hasn’t been the only person to have had something to say about Sullivan this summer. What might have started out as a polite orderly queue turned into an almighty scramble as people jostled for position – mostly it has to be said in Portugal where more than a few noses had been pushed out of joint by the West Ham co-owner. I suspect the only person to say something nice about David Sullivan this summer was actually David Sullivan himself as he stared longingly into the mirror at his reflection and a la Kojak circa 1970s, gave himself a little wink and said “Who loves ya baby.” (One for the kids there ladies and gentleman). What has been said has been far from complimentary – Take the words of Sporting Club de Portugal Director Nuno Saraiva who stated in a Facebook post that Sullivan was amongst other things a “lying parasite.” Saraiva strongly rebutted Sullivan’s claims that West Ham had made an offer for their Portuguese international William Carvalho. I suspect Saraiva nearly choked on his morning cornflakes when Sullivan then made further claims that the Portuguese giants had returned on deadline day stating that they were prepared to now accept the original offer for their player which according to them had never arrived with the club in the first instance. Since that time it’s fair to say that the row has escalated just a little bit on both sides with Sullivan boldly stating his intentions to take legal action against Saraiva. Sporting’s President Bruno de Carvalho then stood with a 20 litre jerry can in hand and proceeded to pour even more fuel onto what was now becoming a towering inferno by stating that West Ham fans call Sullivan one of the “dildo brother’s.” Yes ladies and gentleman if you somehow managed to miss that during this summer’s transfer window you did read that right – David Sullivan – one half of the dildo brother’s. Bubbles may not be the only thing being blown at the stadium of London this season. Even West Ham manager Bilic admitted to being amused by the quote and felt no inclining towards hiding his mirth from his employers.

Sporting asked for proof of an official bid by West Ham for their player and so David Sullivan released what is claimed to be a set of emails sent to Sporting offering the sum of 25 million euros for a player with a release clause believed to be set at 38 million euros. If that wasn’t seemingly rank amateurish enough, the email finishes with the line ‘We wish to conclude this ASAP or we’ll be borrowing aplayer from PSG’ (sic). As a West Ham fan you’d have to hope that these emails were mocked up and fictitious because quite frankly they give the air of having been written by a small poorly educated child and certainly not the co owner of a Premier League football club. Had they genuinely been received and read by anyone at Sporting they could easily be forgiven for thinking that they had been sent by an 8 year old with nothing better to do in their summer holidays and access to their parent’s laptop for ten minutes.

So who to believe in this story and maybe more importantly should more spotlight be thrown onto West Ham’s co-owner David Sullivan and the way he operates within his multitude of roles at West Ham United Football Club and his distinct lack of business acumen when it comes to striking a deal for the club? If you are a fan of any other club other than West Ham would you want David Sullivan as your de facto Director of Football? I seriously doubt it especially if those emails are genuine and the success of perceived lack of it during recent transfer windows since he and David Gold took ownership.

However let’s start by looking at the Sporting President Bruno de Carvalho the other main protagonist in the Carvalho story from the summer. For those of you who aren’t
familiar with him he is probably best known in Portuguese football for being to my knowledge the only club President who has sat on the bench during a game alongside the coaching staff and substitutes as if this was perfectly normal behaviour. This wasn’t just for one game however, this was for an entire season or possibly even two. He has finally stopped doing it now but I became so used to the spectacle that it just became normal after a while. To put it into context though it’s unedifying a sight as Alan Pardew doing his infamous celebration dance on the touchline of Wembley after his then Crystal Palace side had scored in the FA Cup final. de Carvalho is probably most famous for his alleged sacking of the now Watford boss Marco Silva four days after leading them to success in the Taça da Portugal for his failure to wear an official club suit though exactly how true that is you’d surmise only Silva and the club will ever actually know. It is though as you can tell fair to suggest that de Carvalho isn’t your run of the mill club President. Yet don’t let these two examples fool you into thinking that de Carvalho runs the club in anywhere near the same way that Sullivan appears to run West Ham. Sure you can tag him as being a slightly oddball figure but when it comes to transfer dealings it wouldn’t be remiss of me to suggest that he would give Spurs’ Daniel Levy a run for his money in the pain in the arse to deal with stakes.

It’s probably worth noting that Sporting are listed as a public company on the Euronext exchange and I mention this because concluded transfers whether buying or selling by the Portuguese club have to be announced under regulation to the stock exchange so the figures quoted in the media can be given as a more accurate representation than compared to those figures given to deals concluded by West Ham. This in turn is important when giving consideration to whether Sporting would have returned to West Ham on the last day of a transfer window to accept a bid for their player of 13 million euros less than what the release clause fee is in his contract. We often see the tag undisclosed fee used in transfers in the English market. This will be used for example where one club has paid well over the odds for a player and doesn’t want to admit it in public or maybe the complete opposite whereby a club has sold an asset well below his actual market value. It’s a lovely way to hide things from the fans quite frankly yet isn’t a luxury afforded to publicly listed football clubs. Whilst incredibly rare here there are examples in the English game however, for example Manchester United who have to do the same with the New York stock exchange.

So whilst the Carvalho transfer never materialised, one deal that did go ahead on transfer deadline day (well for all intents and purposes and not without its subsequent problems) was for the Sporting skipper Adrien Silva to Leicester City who joined the club in a deal that was valued at £27 million with the initial payment due of £18.3 million. The subsequent problem for the player and Leicester is that the deal was concluded 14 seconds after the deadline passed which has left the player in limbo and having to appeal to F.I.F.A in an attempt to get the players registration sorted to enable him to play. How true the following claims are I don’t know because I wasn’t party to the negotiations but it has been claimed by sources at the English club that the holdup was due in part to de Carlvaho’s insistence over part of the deal which was worth 200,000 euros. Now this might seem paltry to a Premier League club, but given the precarious financial nature of Portuguese football, every penny – or euro in this case really does count. I think the important part to consider here when looking at any claims Sullivan is making about Sporting on transfer deadline day wanting to accept their alleged bid for Carvalho is that the initial payment for Silva was 18.3 million pounds sterling. If Sullivan’s emails are genuine then West Ham offered a down payment of 8.333 million euros by way of comparison for a player I repeat who not only had a release fee of 38 million euros in his contract but for whom the total offer was 13 million euros less than his asking price. de Carvalho is a shrewd negotiator who will extract the best deal for his club. If the transfer of Silva to Leicester doesn’t prove that then the transfers of Islam Slimani to the same club twelve months earlier and João Mário to Italian giants Internazionale will surely only add weight to de Carvalho’s claims at the end of the day that Sullivan aka one half of the dildo brother’s is to put it another way talking out of his backside. Oh and for reference when Sporting sold Mario last summer to Inter for a fee of 45 million euros it made the player the most expensive Portuguese player ever sold by a Portuguese club. Are we really going to believe Sullivan’s claims when taking all of this into consideration?

That fee of 45 million euros was added to by the club record fee of £30 million that Leicester parted with for the Algerian striker Slimani, a deal that took the Midlands club around three months to get over the line as de Carvalho refused to be moved from the clubs asking price. Maybe it would be worth asking Leicester’s hierarchy whether or not they think de Carvalho would have contacted Sullivan on the final day of the transfer window to allegedly accept a deal for a figure significantly less than the value placed upon him by Sporting.

One envisages that the easiest way for Sullivan to back up his claims would have been to provide evidence of Sporting’s contact with West Ham saying they were willing to accept the bid for Carvalho. It has been claimed by certain parties that the emails leaked to the English press were sent to agents said to have links with the Portuguese international but given the names in the email have been redacted this cannot be confirmed or denied. Surely if you were genuinely bidding for a player you send the bid to the club especially if you didn’t want to be accused of tapping up a player. Unless the selling club agrees permission for you to talk to their player then anything else would be considered an illegal approach. OK every club seemingly does it, there’s no secret that it probably goes on in 99.9% of transfers conducted using a raft of ways but the fact remains that it is for now still an illegal approach.

Going back to the threats from Sullivan to sue Saraiva it’s worth noting that Sullivan has previous form for pulling the same stunt after threatening to sue the then Crystal Palace
owner Simon Jordan over comments he made over Karren Brady. Maybe someone should tell Sullivan that simply trumpeting about threatening legal action and then letting it all die down without moving it on doesn’t mean that people won’t remember in the months and years to come especially living in a digital age where google can recall reporting of such claims from years past in the fraction of a second.

For me part of the problem with Sullivan lies in the fact that he seems like the type of man who would end up paying full price for a DFS sofa. Whilst I can’t knock the fact that he’s made an awful lot of money during his lifetime through various means (mostly porn), his dealings in terms of running a football club can be best described as … well quite frankly a little bit shit. Some fans will no doubt argue the opposite of this opinion and they’re entitled to that opinion. I don’t exactly know why you’d hold that opinion but still…

It’s been said for example in some quarters recently that Sullivan and co-owner David Gold have stopped West Ham from continuing to be a selling club as if it was the pair that had made the real difference. One could easily argue however that apart from the now departed Dimitri Payet there really hasn’t been a wealth of talent for other clubs to come circling over like vultures, so can the point be argued to be really valid? I think a couple of seasons back the interest from clubs like Liverpool for Winston Reid was genuine enough before he signed a new contract but anything else for any other player has seemingly just been paper talk.

Whilst de Carvalho was swelling his clubs coffers over in Portugal last summer, Sullivan by comparison was behind some truly awful transfer deals – one’s moreover which were costing the clubs coffers a pretty penny or two. Let’s compare the previous summer which coincided with the move to the London Stadium and throw Bilic’s words back into the mix where we began “David Sullivan likes to talk.” The summer of 2016 was lorded by Sullivan as the beginning of an era which will see West Ham challenging for Champions League football and where marquee signings were promised. Sullivan failed with bids for Michy Batshuayi, Alexandre Lacazette and Christian Benteke. When AC Milan accepted his bid for Carlos Bacca the player flatly turned the move down. However all was not lost for Sullivan who did a deal with reigning Italian league champions Juventus for their forward Simone Zaza, a player who spent the latter part of his summer being ridiculed around the world for his bizarre penalty miss playing for Italy against Germany at Euro 2016.

The Italian striker played only a bit part for Juventus the previous season having signed from Sassuolo; a club that prior to the 2013/14 season had never played in Italy’s top flight of Serie A. His goal record in Italy was hardly prolific giving him a return of a goal in every three games during his time at both Sassuolo and Juventus. Given the list of names in the pecking order above the Italian striker at Juventus they were probably rubbing their hands together at the chance of selling him onto a Premier League club and a deal was struck whereby an initial loan fee of £5 million would be added to by a fee of a further £20 million once the player had completed a certain number of appearances for the Hammers. Now given the players poor penalty at Euro 2016 had been part of the reason his national team had crashed out of the tournament and the absolute hammering he’d taken with meme’s galore on social media it would be fair to suggest Zaza’s confidence might not have been at its greatest ebb when he joined the club. Poor old Simone had become a laughing stock around the world and if you’ve never seen the penalty miss in question I would suggest you take two minutes out of your busy day and google it to see why. A season long loan deal with an option to buy would have allowed the player time to hopefully find his feet and prove his worth in a new country and potentially win himself a permanent deal. It’s very rare a player hits the ground running a la Payet in their first season in the Premier League and hundreds of players have taken a season or more to adjust to the pace of the English game. So taking that into account and these are quite obvious factors here, why did Sullivan agree to such a poorly structured deal that would ultimately cost West Ham £5 million for 11 appearances? A five year old asked to perform due diligence on the deal could have surely predicted that Zaza would need at least a season to adjust to playing in a new league especially with his confidence low after a disastrous summer. Yet here we have a deal which including the players wages which were said to be around the £70,000 a week mark saw the Hammers end up paying over half a million pounds per performance in which the striker scored a grand total of 0 goals before Bilic was forced to stop selecting the player because of the deal struck with Juventus to buy the player outright after a ridiculously low number of games. As I said surely the sensible option would surely have been to agree a loan fee for a season long loan with an option to buy especially given that the player had only made a total of 19 appearances prior to signing for Juventus.

Sure everyone is allowed to make mistakes in life, after all no one is perfect whatever some may think of themselves. However most mistakes aren’t costing millions over and over and the Zaza experiment gone wrong is just one in a long back catalogue of disasters all of which to my mind stem from David Sullivan.

Whilst Hammers fans won’t forgive me for saying so surely a huge part of the blame for the fiasco which saw Dimitri Payet leave the club in the winter transfer window has to be laid at the door of Sullivan. During the summer before his departure in such acrimonious circumstances we are lead to believe that the player made it very clear to the clubs owners that he wasn’t happy and wanted to return to his native France. Sullivan rather than show any degree of empathy with Payet responded by giving him a £1 million loyalty bonus in the September and told the player he was going nowhere. So again to reiterate the point, the player asked to return home and not for the loyalty bonus.

Now before you read this please bear in mind I know that Payet ended up engineering his move away from the club but also factor into account that West Ham didn’t have to sell the player in the January window. As examples we subsequently have seen Southampton and Liverpool turn down offers for Vigril van Dijk and Philippe Countinho off the back of inflated TV deals for all Premier League clubs.

In the case of Payet we are lead to believe that he didn’t want to leave Olympique de Marseille to come to West Ham in the first place and apparently he accepted the move because the French side were in huge financial difficulties knowing that for the club the offer would be too great to turn down. This may surprise some but not everything in life comes down to money in terms of what they can earn as a player as a reason for moving clubs. If true then Payet sacrificed himself for the good of Marseille at that time. Anyway he accepts the deal as we know and his wife and young family come over to a new country. On the pitch everything is going perfectly but off the pitch things don’t go so well and his family struggle to adapt to their new surroundings. They return to France in the summer for Euro 2016 and in doing so he sees first hand that his family are instantly happier to be back close to family and friends and the emotional pressure starts to ramp up on the player. This culminated in the tears we saw when he scored the winning goal in France’s opening game against Romania. With every day that passes the player finds himself more in a crux and he decides that for the sake of his family he will ask the club for a move back to France. However back in London David Sullivan has been telling anyone that will listen that he is going to bring marquee signings to West Ham, after all here’s a man that suddenly has thousands of extra season tickets that need selling in a shiny brand new stadium. Just one problem none of them want to come to the Hammers and so the club set about ensuring the season to come will be all about their star player who unbeknown to them is about to come knocking on the bosses door and admit he isn’t happy and for the sake of his family wants to move back to France. The board however dismiss the notion straight out of hand knowing that they’ll be lynched by the fans having failed to sign a single one of their big name targets if they let their star player leave however unhappy he may be. So they throw even more money at him, having already given the player a new contract back in the February before Euro 2016 and offer him a £1 million loyalty bonus and tell him to get on with things and that leaving is out of the question. Why give an unhappy player more money? Well now they have ammunition to throw at the player should things really turn sour. They can point to the fact that they made Payet the highest paid player in the clubs history, that they’ve given him a million pounds on top of that and question how dare he repay them with such bad behaviour if he steps out of line which as we know he ultimately ended up doing. As we saw the fans became irate at the player and Sullivan and co had a perfectly managed get out clause making them to appear to be the innocent party in the situation. Then they clawed back the bonus by firstly fining Payet for his behaviour and then by getting the player to waive certain parts of his contract to earn his move back to the club which let us not forget, he never wanted to leave in the first instance. To prove a point this wasn’t about money for him he even took a pay cut in order to get the deal through with Marseille who at this juncture had managed to find a new owner who was prepared to financially back the previously stricken club.

Now I get the fact that having made the move from the Boyleyn Ground that it was important to sell season tickets and how key Payet was to become to the branding of the club and as a statement that bigger things are to come for the Hammers. However had Sullivan managed to pull off any of his targeted signings of marquee players they maybe wouldn’t have needed to. Similarly had they not taken the club away from its spiritual home and now finding themselves needing to fill thousands of extra seats, they maybe could have taken a very different stance with the player and showed a degree of empathy to his personal situation. Given how great a season the player had just had his market value would have been sky high. So maybe Marseille couldn’t have afforded him but a club with the financial resources of say PSG over in France could easily have and a compromise could maybe have been reached. As I say not everything can be solved by throwing money at a situation. Did the club take extra steps with the player’s family to ensure they became more settled? From what the player claims the club certainly made assurances that he was about to be joined by a raft of talent which would propel West Ham forward onto bigger and better things which were then not backed up. Did anyone show a degree of empathy for the player’s situation seeing his family in such turmoil and anguish as they struggled with life in London every day? Having branded the club around the player they really were in a no win situation but the manner could have been handled far more professionally than it ended up being. Fans have families, fans realise that life isn’t all about money and can show empathy towards someone they love and respect. Yes it would have hurt had the club sold him in the winter window but had they made the situation known to fans early on and said ‘look Dimi give us until January and if you still feel this way then we will look at the situation again then’ would they have reacted the way that they did? Would the player have had to engineer his move away from the club in the way that he did? Let’s not forget that Sullivan and co could quite easily have said to the player you’re not going anywhere, we are going to let you rot away in the reserves but they didn’t – they cashed in on the player! Stories were continually leaked to the national press during this time stirring up shit and at the end of it all Payet became a figure of hate to pretty much all West Ham fans and the board managed to somehow come out of it smelling of roses and without anyone pointing the finger of blame in their direction for the mistakes they made in the handling of the situation back in the summer when the player returned in pre-season. With such hatred being displayed towards the player it was also easy to forget that especially with things not going well on the pitch that the board had failed to deliver in its promises to bring in marquee signings during the summer transfer window. Another Sullivan smokescreen perfectly executed for his own ineptitude.

Let’s look at some of the other bits of business Sullivan conducted through the summer of 2016. André Ayew the Ghanaian forward was brought in for a then club record fee of £20.5 million from Swansea City just 12 months after the Welsh club brought him in on a free transfer from Ligue 1 Marseille. His 36 appearances for the Swans saw him register 12 goals giving him a ratio of a goal every three games in his first Premier League season though 4 goals in the last 3 games of the season slightly skews those stats. Yet the main point being is that Swansea will net £20.5 million for a player over the four years of his West Ham contract which represents a great bit of business for a player whose first season at West Ham was blighted by injury and for whom they paid nothing for.

Alvaro Arbeloa joined Ayew and topped up his pension nicely before retiring from the game totally at the end of the season having started only one game and made two substitute appearances before falling out with Slaven Bilic. If reports are correct that he was signed to a £65,000 a week contract then the club would have shelled out over an incredible £3 million in wages on the former Real Madrid player.

Sofiane Feghouli who was brought in on a free transfer from Valencia was reportedly the second highest paid player at the club last season yet started only 11 times and made a further 10 appearances from the subs bench for the Hammers. One does wonder in the case of Feghouli that had his wages not been as high as they were then maybe the club would have looked to have kept him on longer term rather than ship him off to Turkish club Galatasaray in the summer for £3.87 million as they looked to lower the clubs wage bill. The reason the deal took so long to get over the line with Galatasaray was the great contract he’d been given with the Hammers and having to find a huge compromise with all parties which partly explains the hit taken on the transfer fee received which should have been considerably higher for a player who had a great reputation at Valencia.

Jonathan Calleri (- yes the names keep on coming) was another player said to earn in excess of £50,000 a week during his season long loan yet managed to contribute a grand total of 1 goal in 4 starts and 12 substitute appearances.

The winter transfer window which was dominated by the Dimitri Payet issues saw the club go back into the transfer market whereby Sullivan splashed £8 million on 33 year old Portuguese defender José Fonte who is reportedly being paid in the region of £75,000 a week and will have little or no resale value to the club when his contract expires. He was joined by Scottish International Robert Snodgrass for a fee of £7 million who now finds himself on loan at Championship side Aston Villa. Despite not finding the back of the net with West Ham Snodgrass oddly remained Hull City’s top scorer in the Premier League at the end of the season having only played half the season for them. For me I wonder if it was one of those transfers where West Ham looked to take a potential relegation rivals best player off their hands to strengthen their own position in their battle to avoid the drop. Anyway neither player can be argued to have set the world alight with their performances since joining the Hammers.

Norwegian international Håvard Nordtveit came and went again within twelve months having mostly been played out of position for every one of his 11 starts and 5 substitute appearances whilst reportedly earning somewhere between £40,000 – £50,000 per week. Now I know that these aren’t the largest sums in comparison to what some Premier League clubs pay the players on their books but for each example given the players in the main barely started for the club and certainly made little or no impact yet collectively took home in excess of £10 million in wages during their time with the Hammers.

On the rare occasion Nordveit started for the Hammers in his preferred position as a defensive midfielder he did win some warm reviews from pundits so you have to wonder why the club let one of the smaller wage earners go in the summer and so early on as they failed to land their supposed target in William Carvalho. Mind you I guess his sale can be considered one of those rare successes for Sullivan. Having signed on a free alongside the free transfer of Ashley Fletcher from Manchester United both players left in the summer for a reported combined fee in the region of £15 million. Darren Randolph was also a free transfer originally from Birmingham City and Boro are believed to have paid £5 million for him.

Of all the signings for West Ham last season only Manuel Lanzini (who turned his initial loan move into a permanent one for a fee of £9.4 million) represented anything near value for money in terms of the outlay on transfer fees and wages. That’s not to say that West Ham don’t sometimes manage to get things right. Payet looked a world beater in his first season (£10.7 million – Marseille). Pedro Obiang (£4.3 million – Sampdoria), Angelo Ogbonna (£8 million – Juventus) and Michail Antonio (£7 million – Nottingham Forest) have all brought quality to the team and look excellent value but for the success of these four and Lanzini to boot we are joined by many other names over the seasons such as Nikica Jelavic (£2.8 million – Hull City) who leave the club as quickly as they’d arrived in the door.

Onto this summer’s transfer dealings and five new names have come into the club. The four main players being; Joe Hart on loan from Manchester City who at the time of writing remains England’s first choice goalkeeper. Javier Hernández (£16 million from Bayer Leverkusen), Marko Arnautović (for a club record fee which could rise to £25 million from Stoke City) and Pablo Zabaleta (released from Manchester City). On paper you would think that all four look good signings but do they really represent good deals for the London club or again is it a case that Sullivan is a man who likes to think he can broker a good deal but in reality nothing could be further from the truth?

Let’s start with Javier Hernández who apparently a host of clubs were linked with over the summer. I’m not sure how many clubs make up a so called host or who they were really because it seemed whoever they were – all went quiet as soon as the Mexicans wage demands were made known to potential suitors, all that is apart from West Ham. Now I haven’t heard a single West Ham fan question yet as to why West Ham paid a fee of £16 million for a player who had a release clause in his contract with the Bundesliga side of £13 million. So why the extra fee of £3 million paid? Sullivan really needs to get a hang of this release clause malarkey surely and soon. Secondly how have the club ended up agreeing to his wage demands of £140,000 a week which smashes the Hammers pay ceiling and will no doubt lead to a host of existing players knocking on the door of the club demanding their wages be increased at the same time? I’d be interested to know exactly how much the Mexican was earning at the German club given his last known reported salary was given as $5 million per season which at the time equated to around £73,000 a week. If similar at the German outfit then the player has managed to nearly double his salary in the process of the move which for a forward nearing the age of 30 who made his reputation as an impact substitute is great for him – fo r the club maybe not so much. Once again it doesn’t seem to me at least to have been the greatest bit of business. I have heard and read many fans saying that Hernández should be given the starting role as the main striker this season with Andy Carroll (when fit – yes I know this is rare) coming on as an impact substitute but I for one would remind fans that it’s the Mexican who during his time at Manchester United forged his reputation mainly as that impact substitute. His record in the Bundesliga last season it should be noted wasn’t exactly great though it’s worth taking into account that the player was said to be going through personal problems for a large part of the season which effected performances. Yet his tally for the season only brought about a total of 12 goals in the Bundesliga, 7 of which came post January 2017 before his return to the Premier League. While I don’t doubt his quality as a goal poacher, the new top earner at the club doesn’t really bring a reputation for much else let’s be fair. But again I come back to that question, how were West Ham made to pay £3 million over the odds of his release fee when they seemingly were in a one horse race?

I still find it staggering that Sullivan has made the poor man’s Zlatan Ibrahimovic – Marko Arnautović the clubs potential record signing. Arnautović let’s not forget turned down the opportunity to join West Ham before deciding to sign for Stoke City. He reminds me of one of those girls who won’t date you during the times you drove a clapped out Ford Escort but as soon as she sees you in the Mercedes years later she can’t wait to get to know you better and would drop her knickers for you in a heartbeat. Whilst we have seen glimpses of the players quality since his arrival in England his consistency in games is woefully lacking and his temperament is surely questionable as the sending off for elbowing an opponent in the game away to Southampton will testify already this season. I’ve got to say that with Ayew looking like he’s getting back to full fitness I’d be looking to play the Ghanaian over Arnautović and the potential fee of £25 million for me really doesn’t hold any sort of value in it at all. Sure he will bring the odd moment of skill to a game and every ten games will score a wonder goal that gets the headline writers pounding away at their keyboards at the end of 90 minutes but a week later he will go back to being missing again or worse appearing and then receiving his marching orders. Given the player is 28 years of age and that he signed a five year contract I’d argue again that with no resale value and his lack of consistency that Stoke must have seen Sullivan coming a mile off – perhaps it’s that stupid fucking Russian hat he wears that gave it away. Should you really be looking to sign a player that turned you down originally to go to Stoke City? No offence to Stoke City by which is to say really and truthfully – every offence to Stoke City, but this whole Stokealona thing was a complete crock of fanatical shite wasn’t it. That’s a statement by the way, not a question.
Now I’m sorry but did anyone at west ham actually think to watch Joe Hart’s performances at Torino last season or was he as I suspect brought in simply because for some bizarre unknown reason he remains England’s number one.? Where is the due diligence on all these signings? These are players seemingly brought in simply on ageing reputations alone or on whims of fancy. Hart’s spell at Torino though not a complete disaster could hardly be labelled as a success. Italian newspaper La Stampa maybe summed up Hart’s season best in just one sentence following a man of the match performance from his replacement Salvatore Sirigu when they suggested the keeper was “almost as decisive in one game as Hart was in an entire year.”

I wonder if Sullivan performs his role at West Ham as a de facto Sporting Director by the use of a Panini Sticker book, from watching MOTD and from memory of players who once happened to have a half decent game against his side over the past four or five seasons. When a player turns you down to go to mid table side like Stoke City should you really go back in for him down the line? I wonder how many other Premier League clubs would have been prepared to pay potentially £25 million for Arnautović or even if the price wasn’t that high, whether or not they would have chosen to make him their clubs all-time record purchase. Personally I think the answer would be none and with the amount of money being spent on these acquisitions is it fair to claim Sullivan as being negligent in his duties. He seems to treat the club like a play thing and his judgement on players can be questioned over and over again. How much does he listen to the Director of player recruitment Tony Henry? If you listen to Henry in interviews he certainly sounds like he and his team are doing the diligence on players so where do things seem to go so wrong from the preparation work to those who actually end up being signed?
Rumours persist over the future of manager Slaven Bilic with the club having been linked to the likes of Rafa Benitez at Newcastle United, Napoli’s Maurizio Sarri and Zenit St Petersburg’s Roberto Mancini. Sullivan claims that West Ham agreed a deal with the Spaniard Benitez in 2015 and was just two hours away from appointing him as the club manager before losing out to Real Madrid. During a summer at Newcastle which has seen the speculation heighten over Rafa’s position at the club in the North East his name continues to be linked with the Hammers every time they lose a competitive game. Firstly Sullivan and Gold don’t have a history of sacking their club managers be it during their tenure at Birmingham City or latterly at West Ham. Previous manager Sam Allardyce whose relationship with the owners was severely strained by the time of his departure saw out his contract in full and unless West Ham find themselves in a really precarious position, with relegation a real possibility, you would envisage Bilic following in Big Sam’s footsteps and a new man being employed in the summer. It has been hinted by several journalists that the source of the stories linking Rafa with the West Ham job has been the Spaniard’s agent as he looked to influence Newcastle United owner Mike Ashley whilst the transfer window was open for more money to use on signings. In fact I think Rafa has even openly admitted as much since since the closure of the window. At the time you never saw Sullivan or Gold rubbishing the links though they now claim to back Bilic as their manager. Call me sceptical, maybe Rafa was two hours away from becoming West Ham manager but it was just as likely that through his agent he used the London club to get Real Madrid to act quicker in getting him into the Spanish club. If reports are correct the compensation due to Newcastle to hire Benitez is around the £6 million mark and that’s before you factor in the cost of his annual wages and one presumes managers get some sort of signing on bonus for coming to a club in the same way players do. I don’t personally see Sullivan or Gold parting with that sort of money, not in a million years. Mind you having said that they will potentially pay £25 million for Arnautović so I could be wrong.

Napoli’s coach Sarri has seen his stock continue to rise whilst in charge of the Italian side who are now rated as one of the best in all of European football to watch. Who says? Well Pep Guardiola for one. Many Serie A pundits and experts see this season as Napoli’s best chance to win the Scudetto and wrestle away the dominance of Juventus. They’ve won all seven of their opening domestic games and head the table so the chance of Sarri coming to London for me really is fantasy football time and let’s face it why would you leave a club on the rise in your domestic league and potentially in Europe to come to a side who still sit in the bottom three of the Premier League? We keep on seeing stories about the ex-Manchester City boss Mancini coming to West Ham as well. This being Mancini whose Zenit sit four points clear of the Russian league, who remain undefeated in 11 games this season winning 8 and drawing 3. The club backed their manager throughout the summer with the players he wanted to bring in. English media reports suggest he is unhappy in his role in Russia and would be interested in the Hammers job. The Italian is on a three year contract Zenit and again you just cannot see West Ham paying a compensation fee to bring Mancini in as manager. If they were truly serious they could have let Bilic go in the summer for comparative peanuts in terms of his compensation to what it would cost the club to bring Mancini or Benitez in as a replacement.

Personally I think the smart money on Bilic’s replacement would be with current Fulham boss Slaviša Jokanović on whom West Ham have been keeping a close eye on over the past twelve months or so. Being linked with glamorous names for both managers and players alike seems to be a Sullivan speciality without the majority of so called bids, deals or interests ever coming to fruition. Sullivan is like the ring leader at a circus, he can whip up the crowd trying to look like the main act but everyone knows that ultimately he’s just the guy in the funny hat.

In an interview given to Talksport during this summer’s transfer window Sullivan stated how the club was aiming to win three trophies after their summer spending spree. Now he didn’t say that the club was aiming to win the treble in those words but it amounts to exactly the same thing. If you’re aiming to win three trophies then you’re aiming to win the treble are you not? This man’s ego is so large that it gets in the way of his tongue. Or maybe his brain is so small that…no never mind you get the point. So if the claims of marquee signings last summer weren’t bad enough when they failed to materialise, a year later he goes on record that the Hammers are aiming to win every competition they take part in. Now I’m all for ambition don’t get me wrong but 11th place last season papered over what was a frankly diabolical season for West Ham with problems mounting on and off the pitch. Despite Karren Brady saying that the board has presided over the most successful stadium migration in the history of football it was in reality quite frankly one huge fucking mess, much of which could have been foreseen and appropriate steps taken before situations arose especially in the case of the London Stadium. With the club forced to play all their first three Premier League games away from home at the start of this season they found themselves bottom on 0 points and at the time of writing still occupy the relegation places after six games which included a 3-2 loss to arch rivals Tottenham Hotspur.

Sullivan wasn’t done there with the talking though either stating that Hernandez could be the best player West Ham have ever signed. I’m not trying to be funny here but the little Mexican has made a career as a goal poacher and not a single one of his goals during his time in the Premier League has come from outside of the 18 yard box. He forged his career at Manchester United as a super sub and never quite made the same impact when he started games for them. He never really got a look in at Real Madrid and had an average season at Bayer Leverkusen last season. Again I want to know David Sullivan, how did you end up having to spend an extra £3 million to get the player that every other club was put off by because of his wage demands? You almost set him up to fail when you add such hype that isn’t warranted. Sure he has the ability to find the net and utilised in the right way then potentially he will get the club goals. He may even be the first player since Tony Cottee to score 20 in a season for the Hammers but there’s also a chance that he won’t get near that figure and he certainly won’t become in my opinion the best player West Ham have ever signed. I’d love to see him make the same impact that Payet made in his first season at West Ham but he doesn’t possess the ability to ghost pass defenders, jinx his way into the box and coolly slot home and he certainly has never knocked a free kick in effortlessly from 25 yards.

There will be fans of West Ham that will point to the fact that Sullivan and Gold are lifelong fans of the club too but that’s not a pre-requisite for success or a reason to not question the poor decisions that are taken season after season by the pair. Fans should be asking why the club is over paying for players, questioning why they fail in their attempts to sign the likes of Olivier Giroud from Arsenal or Kelechi Iheanacho from Manchester City to name just two of a hatful the club had been linked with during this summer’s window. At one stage during the summer we were told the latter fell through because City wanted to insert a buy back clause into the deal which would see them able to buy the player for around the same money West Ham would have had to pay yet it’s claimed that the deal with Leicester City for whom he ultimately signed to, has a clause which would see City have to spend £50 million if they wanted to buy the player back. At just 20 years of age here was a player that could have been the real future for West Ham and should he ever hit the heights he is expected to, even if they did lose him back to City it would have been severely softened by the £50 million had City wanted to take the player back. Logically it would also have meant he had managed to be a huge success on the pitch. Whilst I appreciate much of what’s written here is taking what has been written in the media at face value, I do tend to put a lot more faith in it that than I would ever do from something that has come out of the mouth of David Sullivan.

One good thing that seemingly arose from a series of meetings with representatives of online West Ham fan sites and blogs with Karren Brady was that the club was prepared to take on board some of the issues the paying public had with the new stadium. What I found interesting was that those there at one of the recent meetings were apparently told what the clubs budget was for the forthcoming seasons summer transfer window but were asked not to reveal the figure as they didn’t want other clubs driving up prices on the players they wish to purchase which seems fair enough until you consider Sullivan likes to add £3 million to deals himself anyway given his distinct lack of anything resembling a negotiating skill. I’m pretty sure that the clubs budget has remained under wraps as requested but I have heard a few murmurings that the clubs summer spend was nowhere near what they were lead to believe it would be and may have been as much as under £20 million as to what they had been quoted in the meeting. Perhaps they will pay the £6 million buyout clause for Rafa after all or maybe all the people were given an unrealistic fee knowing the influence they had with their readers and followers of West Ham and that there was a chance they’d relay the message in part to other fans who would buy into it and renew their season tickets without actually knowing who was coming in. The signing of a well-known name in Pablo Zabaletta would certainly have given great indications of what was to come but in hindsight let’s not forget he was a free signing and a player who many believe has lost the pace which saw him make such a stellar name during his time at Manchester City. Yes Hart for now is England’s number one but come the end of the season West Ham will either have to make Adrian the number one keeper again or go back into the market as they won’t be able to afford Hart’s wages which we believe are presently being heavily subsidised by his parent club. Given his lack of decent performances in the past 18 months you’d imagine that City didn’t bother to put a clause in that says he cannot play against City in either game this season and that actually the complete opposite would apply in his case.

So what have we really learned through all of this? Well if you’re David Sullivan – always have an excuse to hand and someone to blame other than yourself when things start to go wrong. If you don’t manage to tie a deal up for William Carvalho then point the finger at Sporting and say that they didn’t give you enough time to complete a medical. When a club accuses you of lying then shout moral outrage from the rooftops to anyone who will listen and threaten to get your legal team involved – that will surely make things go away. I’m sure no away fans visiting the London Staidum will remind you about being one of the dildo brother’s during the season. I say that, maybe the inflatable penis being thrown around by the Huddersfield fans was purely coincidence but then again…

Make sure that the press knows that Bilic could have had other players such as Renato Sanches and Grzegorz Krychowiak this summer even though your own manager claims this isn’t true so that if you spend another season near the relegation zone then it wasn’t your fault because you brought the four players your manager wanted more than any others even though Carvalho may have been the one he really, really wanted out of the lot. We have learned that if leaked emails are genuine that part of Sullivan’s psyche and DNA is still very much of the primary school playground; If you don’t let me play I’m going to tell my mum on you and then get a player on loan from PSG oh and I don’t care if you lent me a tenner last week I’m only going to give you £4.37 back and if you tell everyone about it I will shout liar, liar pants on fire really loudly to anyone and everyone that will listen and you wouldn’t dare call me a liar because I have this cool Russian hat and everyone thinks I’m the mutts nuts…

We’ve learned that at Sporting Bruno de Carvalho is a man who will let his club captain potentially end up unable to play football for four months in a World Cup year just to ensure the clubs balance sheet was 200,000 euros better off. We’ve discovered Leicester have twice encountered that he is a hard man to strike a deal with and that he is able to really get the best price for his players – in fact so much so that he achieves Portuguese transfer records for his star players which makes a mockery of any claims he would have accepted a bid of 13 million euros less than his club wanted for William.

Oddly what you may not have learned is that I’m in the strange and probably very unique situation of following both Sporting and West Ham though it’s probably quite obvious I don’t have any time for David Sullivan and the West Ham board. Oddly I didn’t have any time for Bruno de Carvlaho either but he did go up in my estimation after the dildo brother’s comment. I find him to be quite egotistical in quite the same manner as David Sullivan, but the one thing I do trust is that in the boardroom he does a far better job of impersonating Daniel Levy and managing to get the best deals done for Sporting especially when compared to Sullivan at West Ham. Take Islam Slimani as an example; Sporting paid £275,000 for the players services who would go onto score 48 times in 82 matches which works out at £5,729.17 per goal. They then sold him for a profit in the region of just under £30 million. His replacement the Dutch striker Bas Dost came in for a fee which will rise to 12 million euros but he has already scored 38 times in 38 games for the club. Imagine that a ratio of a goal a game. The last time any West Ham player reached 20 goals in a season was the 1986/87 season – Hernandez wasn’t even born then!

So I leave you to make your own decisions on who was telling the truth in the William Carvalho transfer debacle. Whichever side of the fence you fall on I would implore West Ham fan’s at the very least to consider whether West Ham should consider hiring a proper Director of football at the club and leave the transfer dealings to someone who knows what they’re doing at the end of the day!

Full Premier League Review – Week Seven

Saturday 26th September

Tottenham Hotspur vs. Manchester City

In the build up to this game Spurs manager Mauricio Pochettino went on the record to state that striker Harry Kane’s poor start to this season was down to the fact that he played for the England Under 21s this summer in the European Championship campaign. He obviously didn’t feel that jetting around the other side of the world to play a Malaysian XI in Kuala Lumpur or to play Sydney FC in Australia had any impact at all. It definitely didn’t have anything to do with flying to Colorado to play a MLS All-Stars team and nothing to do with playing Real Madrid and AC Milan in the space of two days in Germany on the Tuesday and Wednesday before their lunchtime kick off in the Premier League away to Manchester United on the Saturday. We can also dismiss the fact that he only scored 4 times in the last 13 games and didn’t look in form in the final weeks of the season. Because that couldn’t be a factor going from one season into another, oh no sir. Yes it most certainly has to come down to playing for the England Under 21s in the competition they went on to win having played oodles of games. What do you mean they got knocked out after just three games in the space of six days? That must be a typo surely? Or mean that Pochettino should go back to conducting his interviews in Spanish rather than trumpeting out of his arse in broken English.

Kane scored 21 goals in the league last season. Of those total goals 13 came against sides who were either relegated or struggled to avoid relegation; Hull City, Burnley, Queens Park Rangers, Aston Villa, Leicester City, Crystal Palace, West Bromwich Albion and Newcastle United. Or to put it another way that’s 62% of his total output of league goals against lesser opposition. Not even a quarter of his total came against what I would rate as decent Premier League opposition having managed 5 goals in 3 games against Chelsea, Arsenal and Liverpool. Could it be, just maybe that he isn’t actually as good as people have made him out to be in the first place. Let’s also not forget that he hasn’t scored at White Hart Lane since March the 21^st. Personally for me the fact he hasn’t scored so far this season going into this game is as big an indication of how we like to overhype players in this country as soon as they do something remotely special and praise them like they’re the chosen one. Harry Kane isn’t the chosen one and I’ve said it before and I will say it again now if I was Daniel Levy and Manchester United had genuinely offered £45 million for him I would have snapped their hand off and drove him to Manchester myself.

So is it good management on Pochettino’s part before the game or just getting his excuses in on the basis that he doesn’t expect his forward to find the net again a few days later at home to Manchester City?

Going into the early kick off City have won 8 out of their last 9 against Spurs and in the last four games between the two they’ve scored 16 and conceded just 2. Go back over the last 8 games and City have scored a staggering 27 times, averaging an impressive 3.4 per game against their north London opponents. Despite suffering their first setback to West Ham United at home last Saturday, City have won their last 5 consecutive games on the trot away from home though good news for Spurs is they have conceded in their last three in all competitions having previously only let in 2 goals in 9 games before then.

For Spurs it’s now 1 defeat in 8 games having won 4 and drawn 3 although they remain struggling for goals having found the net only 5 times in 6 league games so far. Whilst City have the best defensive record in the Premier League this season, Spurs have the second best having conceded just 4 times.

Danish midfielder Christian Eriksen makes his first start of the season for Spurs whilst Willy Caballero came in for Joe Hart which basically means that everything I wrote in the build up to this game yesterday can probably now go out of the window alongside my bet on City to win. Oh and no Vincent Kompany either. There’s the lesson in waiting until the line ups are announced. I suspect even Kane can find the net against Willy fucking Caballero.

With Kane and Agüero starting as the lone men up front it’s 18 minutes into the game before the first real chance of note falls to either side as a curled shot by the latter from outside of the box is saved by Hugo Lloris. In the 23^rd minute Spurs win a corner but any attacking notions went out of the window as the ball finds its way to Yaya Touré well in his own half. The Ivorian runs like a man on a mission all the way into the Spurs half before playing a beautifully weighted ball from about 30 yards out into the box for Kevin de Bruyne to run onto and the Belgian slots it home low and to the left of Lloris. As counter attacking goals go you won’t see many better examples of how it should be done all season. That was all a little too easy for City.

City should have extended their lead just three minutes after the goal when Raheem Sterling cut in from the left hand side and shot from 18 yards but his effort was tipped around the post by Lloris to keep the score at 1-0.

Five minutes before half time and the ball fell to Kane in a good position but he struggled to really get the ball out from under his feet and his shot was never going to cause Caballero any problems in the City goal. Right on the stroke of half time the ball finds its way out to Kyle Walker on the right hand side who is clearly a yard offside. You can see Caballero raises his arm to indicate the fact but the whistle isn’t blown and the cross finds Son Heung-min who can only direct the ball at the keeper and City try clear their lines but a poor pass out of defence is met by Eric Dier who chances his luck and scores from about 25 yards out as the ball passes everyone low and onto the post before nestling into the net. There was a slight suspicion of offside to the opening goal but that was clearly offside and shouldn’t have counted. The assistant referee has had a proper mare there. As the whistle blows for halftime Martín Demichelis is clearly pointing that out to the referee who doesn’t like the cut of his jib and the Argentinian is booked.

With the second half under way Spurs win a free kick after four minutes as Nicolás Otamendi fouls Kane. The ball is curled into the box where Toby Alderweireld heads in to give the home side the lead. What on earth was Caballero doing there? You are starting to get the feeling that City felt they only had to turn up to win this game. The keeper started to come and ended up like a tourist on the edge of his six yard box just watching the game as a spectacle as the ball hit the back of the net.

On 56 minutes Jesús Navas comes on for Touré in the first change of the game. That looked like an injury there which will be worrying for Manuel Pelligrini with Borussia Mönchengladbach coming up away from home on Wednesday night.

An hour gone Demichelis brings down Erik Lamela and from the resulting free kick Eriksen smacked the post but the ball comes out to Kane who knocks the ball back into an empty net but even then he contrived to miss and it only just goes in. The referee and his assistant have got that one wrong again though because the replays show Kane was offside. That’s Kane’s first goal in 748 for Spurs. All it took was to be offside and for the goal to be wide open.

Slow clap for Mark Clattenburg and his assistants as Spurs have the ball in the back of the net for a fourth time this afternoon on 72 minutes as Son scores but for the first time it’s correctly ruled for offside. Too little too late for City though.

Eleven minutes to go and Spurs score their second valid goal of the game through Lamela. Demichelis and Caballero looked like a modern day Laurel and Hardy trying to defend there. All they needed was a large ladder and a banana skin to have perfected their act. That was woeful defending and that’s an early Christmas present there for the Argentine. That goal sums up City’s afternoon perfectly since the equaliser went in.

After five wins in the first five games I wrote that the only club for me who could threaten City’s title bid was City themselves and this afternoon they’ve validated that claim. Mark Clattenburg and his officials have had a poor, poor game to boot and once more the calls should go out for the use of TV replays to aid their cause. Pelligrini’s choice to put Caballero in goal also backfired spectacularly and his positioning during that game was so bad that I reckon even I could be in with a shout of making the bench as Hart’s backup for Wednesday night’s game.

Post-game and Kane said in an interview “Maybe I shut up a few people who have been talking over the last few weeks.” I think that’s wishful thinking right there if ever there was any to be had – one goal that was firstly offside and secondly into an open goal is not going to shut your critics up. Thirdly – you nearly missed it! I swear Harry Kane is one of the only people that when he opens his mouth can make David Beckham sound intelligent. You suspect if the dog didn’t have the family brain cell he would have done well to keep his mouth shut and wait until he manages to score from a position that is onside, has a goalkeeper in front of him to actually beat and with a far better strike that that. I’m severely tempted to carry on the minutes since he last scored a goal that was onside.

Manchester United vs. Sunderland

Depending on the result of this game after Manchester City’s loss to Tottenham earlier in the day you could well be looking at the book ends of the Premier League with Sunderland beginning the game still at the bottom of the league and with United who could go top with a win.

United have won 7 of the last 9 games against the Mackam’s but the away sides problems against today’s opponents are long standing with just 1 win in 26 games and whilst they managed to beat them at Old Trafford last season their previous win came way back in 1968.

Whilst United remain unbeaten at home collecting 7 points from a possible 9, Sunderland are still looking for their first win in the league. They make up one of four clubs who are yet to win in the top four divisions of English football this season. In fact three of those four clubs happen to be from the Premier League going into this weekend’s fixtures with Stoke City, Newcastle United and Newport County of League Two making up the rest. For the Mackam’s they’ve now gone nine games without a win (drawing 4, losing 5) and have collected just 1 win in 14 (drawn 6, losing 7). They’ve conceded 13 so far this season which is the most in the Premier League and 10 of those have come in the first half of games. It probably comes as no surprise to learn that they have failed to keep a single clean sheet in league or cup games and were knocked out of the league cup in midweek by United’s rivals City in a 4-1 loss. But as Sunderland fans will point out, at least they did manage a goal against City, although sadly it did come at the point where they were 4-0 down.

If Harry Kane’s goal scoring record going into this round of fixtures was bad then it’s surely worth highlighting Wayne Rooney’s failure in front of goal in recent times in the league though he did at least manage to find the net during the 3-0 League Cup win over Ipswich Town during the week. He starts again today following his return from injury but Sunderland’s Jermain Defoe is on the bench having picked up a strain. One ray of hope and it’s not a very bright one for Sunderland is that Dick Advocaat has only lost 1 game in 9 against a Louis van Gaal managed side but one imagines it’s only a case of 90 minutes away on current form before that becomes 2 in 10.

I’m not sure what it is about first halves at Old Trafford of late but they really should just play 45 minute games as there’s very little to discuss other than a Jeremain Lens effort in the 24^th minute as Sunderland manage to contain United until the fourth minute of additional time when a long ball into the box from Danny Blind finds Juan Mata who pulls the ball back across goal for Memphis to tap in from two yards to score his first ever Premier League goal. Hopefully the second half will provide more entertainment than this.

Well if you take out the minutes for the half time break then Sunderland have totally capitulated in the space of three minutes as a strong run into the box by Anthony Martial goes unchecked and his ball is turned into the back of the net off the knee of Wayne Rooney for his first Premier League goal of the season and his second in two games in all competitions. It wasn’t pretty but the quality of the finish or lack of it seems kind of fitting to Sunderland’s season so far. You can’t see Sunderland getting anything from this game now although in fairness you couldn’t really see them getting anything out of it when it kicked off in the first half. It just seems nailed on now. That’s Rooney’s first in the league since he scored against Aston Villa on April the 4^th.

Just after the hour mark Patrick van Aanholt has a chance for Sunderland but it’s a tight angle and David de Gea saves with his legs. 66 minutes gone and Memphis is left holding his face in his hands having fired his effort when 1 on 1 with Costel Pantilimon straight at the goalkeeper. It really should have been 3-0 to the home side there.

With twelve to go Mata brings another save from Pantilimon from 18 yards out as his shot was angled to the bottom left of the goal but United are still searching for their third of the game. Finally it comes in the 90^th minute as Ashley Young came in from the left wing and his cross deflects off a defender before coming to Mata who swept the ball into the net to complete Sunderland’s misery.

So United go top as Sunderland remain rooted to the bottom of the league. Seven games, two draws, seven defeats, sixteen goals conceded, it doesn’t look good for Sunderland as it stands and it’s West Ham away next for them. That’s quickly followed by an away trip to West Bromwich Albion at which point we can expect Dick Advocaat to walk away in time for a new man to come in for the game against Newcastle United where history will repeat itself again as they finally find a win.

For United that’s just one defeat this season in seven and Vfl Wolfsburg up next who will still be reeling from their midweek nightmare which saw Robert Lewandowski come on as substitute for Bayern Munich and score five goals in just nine minutes. Heck even de Gea managed to keep a clean sheet today so Sunderland must be bad.

Liverpool vs. Aston Villa

If Harry Kane and Wayne Rooney have been struggling individually for goals then Liverpool as a side are suffering an accumulative failure in front of goal having scored just four from their opening six games in the Premier League so far. They go into this game having been taken into extra time League Two side Carlisle United in midweek in the League Cup and only survived a huge cup shock by securing their place in the next round winning on penalties. You have to feel for Carlisle fans who finally looked like they might have something else to be remembered for other than goalkeeper Jimmy Glass’s goal which kept them in the football league way back in 1999. For Villa they will have been buoyed by a narrow 1-0 win over their biggest rivals Birmingham City in the same competition.

All the build up to this game has surrounded manager Brendan Rodgers who sent Gary McAllister out following the Carlisle game to convince the world that the Northern Irishman was happy with an excellent win. I don’t think I have yet used the direct expression that Rodgers is full of shit but I’ve certainly hinted at it in my abject description of him in my writings and summing up so far this season. Had Liverpool fielded a reserve side against a League Two side then you could maybe make excuses for them but apart from Ádám Bogdán coming into the side for Simon Mignolet the other ten players outfield were all recognised names.

Liverpool go into this fixture with no win in 8 league games against Villa since a 1-0 win at Villa Park way back in 2011. For Villa there’s no loss in 4 on their visits to Anfield and only 2 losses in their past 8 trips. However historically Villa have won only 5 of the last 32 away to Liverpool.

Last time Brendan Rodgers went five games without a win was his first five in charge at the club. Only Newcastle United going into this game have a worst scoring record than Liverpool’s this season and Rodgers side have conceded 7 goals in 3 games. Villa have an unwanted record of their own in the fact that alongside Newcastle they have both lost 16 times so far in this calendar year. There’s also no win in 5 for Villa since their opening day win away to AFC Bournemouth. However they have scored in 8 successive away games.

Last week I accused Rodgers of enjoying role playing with his significant other in the bedroom, this week he strikes me as a man who likes a spot of poker at home with his mates who desperately shuffles the cards when it’s is turn to be dealer in a desperate bid to find a winning hand as he starts with another formation, this time with a 5-3-2. Danny Ings starts in place of Christian Benteke who misses out against his old side through injury. Rudy Gestede, he of the dynamite header fame starts for Villa.

Just one minute in and James Milner fires in from the D on the Villa 18 yard box into the bottom right of the net to score the quickest goal of the Premier League this season. That wasn’t the start that Tim Sherwood will have wanted. It’ll be interesting to see how Villa pick themselves up from this but there’s still 89 minutes to go in this fixture.

9 minutes in and Ings fired over the bar from 18 yards, perhaps this week all the players have been given a licence to shoot on sight after last week’s home game against Norwich where every attempt seemed to fall to Philippe Coutinho.

On 22 minutes Alan Hutton found himself in a great position up the field and he sent over a probing ball into the box and it’s a poor clearance from Emre Can. Gestede picks up the ball and shoots but it’s well wide from 18 yards. Just some signs that Villa can cause the Liverpool back line some problems this afternoon. Much better from the away side.

Into the second half and on 53 minutes Milner tries his luck again from distance but this time his shot is saved by Guzan and eventually the ball finds its way to Nathaniel Clyne at the near post but he fails to finish and it stays 1-0 to Liverpool.

Just before the hour mark and Daniel Sturridge in his second consecutive game starting for Liverpool since coming back from another long term injury reminds us of his class as he finishes a wonderful shot with the outside of his left boot to put Liverpool into a commanding 2-0 lead.

Obviously when I write commanding lead that’s the kiss of death as on 66 minutes Hutton found himself in another great position going forward for Villa and his pass was pulled back all the way to the far post where Gestede was on hand to make the score 2-1. Game on!

Oh fuck you both. I said commanding lead, I said game on and bang Villa lose the ball and after a quick one-two into the box Sturridge makes himself space before placing the ball past Guzan and instantly makes it 3-1 to the home side. This time I’m saying nothing.

Finally I might have made a wise choice as it takes Villa just four minutes to pull the game back again. It’s a wonderful ball into the box from on the goal line by Jordan Amavi designed to be attacked in the air and there’s the man you want on the end of it Gestede to continue his dominance at the top of the headed goals chart in England. I could look up how many that is for him now but I can’t be arsed other than to say it’s quite a few. Rodgers are you taking notes for when Benteke is fit again – these are the types of crosses into the box that both forwards thrive on. It’s not exactly rocket engineering! A quick note to Amavi who has been one of Villa’s brightest points so far this season and if Sherwood can find a balance with him on the left and Hutton on the right supplying balls like that then you can see Villa getting the results they need to keep them up this season. But it’s all still to play for here with 19 minutes of normal time remaining.

For a game that’s had little to it apart from the goals Coutinho nearly makes it 4-2 with a 25 yard free kick that’s saved by Guzan. Despite Villa’s best efforts it still looks like the home side that are likely to score another and the best chance falls to Sturridge with four minutes remaining but it’s saved by Guzan and he leaves the England international with a look on his face that simply says ‘How did that not go in.’

In the end Villa just didn’t have the quality to force anything from this game. Whilst they were ultimately undone by two fines strikes from Milner and Sturridge’s first of his brace they will be kicking themselves at some of their general untidiness when in possession of the ball. For Rodgers this was all about the result for Liverpool or it should have been before he launches into another bullshit PR spin interview after the game. “I am pretty confident that there is a group of people that don’t want me here to be the manager,” he said.

“In all competitions we have lost less games than Manchester City, Chelsea and Arsenal.

“We have lost two games, which is equivalent to Tottenham and Manchester United.”

Seriously Brendan either shut up or if you choose to speak have a few words with yourself or the club psychiatrist because I genuinely think you are border line delusional. Your side have been woeful and abject at best at times during the season so far. You continue to play players out of position and you clearly have no idea what system suits the players best. Yes your side may have created 47 chances against Carlisle United during midweek but that gives your players a ratio of 1 goal every 47 shots which is piss poor. You had an Anfield which was near to silence from the home support and if it wasn’t for the 6,000 away fans having a carnival in the away end you’d probably be hard pressed to have known there was a game taking place if you’d have been walking through Stanley Park. Why not accept some criticism for once and try to take on board what’s being said rather than talk of a conspiracy. Even if you’re right and there is one then maybe ask yourself why, because let’s face it from us looking outside in it isn’t hard to highlight where the majority of the clubs problems are falling right now and the spotlight is firmly in one place – on you!

Southampton vs. Swansea

If recent history is anything to go by then on paper this game doesn’t scream ‘potential classic’ with the last three games between the two being won by the away side 1-0. In all the last seven games between the two have seen a total of just six goals. For the Saints it’s 2 wins in 12 (drawing 4, losing 6). They face a Swansea side who have conceded just 3 goals in their last 5 Premier League games although they have failed to score since their 2-1 win over Manchester United. Ryan Bertrand comes into start for the home side with Ki Sung-yueng starting for the visitors.

Swansea almost put their recent woes in front of goal behind them just 6 minutes into the game as a 25 yard effort by Jonjo Shelvey is met by goalkeeper Maarten Stekelenburg who parried the ball to the South Korean Ki who knocks his chance well over the bar. Warning signs early on for the Saints there.

On 8 minutes the home team have their best chance of the game so far but Sadio Mané didn’t connect at all well with that chance and his shot rolls past the right hand post. Two minutes later however there’s better news for the home fans as a corner ball is played in from the left and defender Dick Van Dyke, sorry Virgil van Dijk heads the ball into the net easily beating two Swans defenders to the ball. I’m not sure who blew out Swansea’s light since the win over United. Perhaps it was Louis van Gaal slamming the door shut on the way out from the Vetch but whoever it was, someone needs to come up with some magic for the Welsh side and soon. André Ayew, Bafétimbi Gomis and Jefferson Montero (who is sat on the bench today) all started the season in such spectacular form and all three have looked like shades of themselves since that win against United. Better on 22 minutes from the Swans as Ki drives in a shot from 20 yards but they eventually go into halftime still one goal down.

Nine minutes into the second half and Dušan Tadić pops up to score the Saints second although it took a deflection of Ki before going into the net. One for the dubious goals panel to decide me thinks but for now I will give the benefit of the doubt to the midfielder. On current form I can’t see Swansea getting back into this game now. Funny though if it was Leicester playing away at St Mary’s you could imagine them having the drive and energy to still try to get something before the end of the 90 minutes. More teams should take a leaf out of Ranieri’s side’s book.

As it turns out the Swans didn’t have to wait long for the final nail to be delivered in their coffin as Mané made up for his earlier miss to make the score a comfortable 3-0. Ashley Williams made an awful attempted clearance in the heart of the Welsh sides defence and it was all too easy for the Senegalese midfielder who said thank you very much and wasted no time in capitalising on the error.

Seven minutes before the end of time and José Fonte has a rush of blood to the head and fouls Neil Taylor in the penalty area. I have no idea what on earth the Portuguese player was thinking there but it hands the chance for the Icelandic international Gylfi Sigurðsson to prove he’s cool as ice in these situations and he scores from the spot to give the travelling supporters something to cheer about at last. That penalty was as straight down the centre of the goal as they come and you have to wonder how bad that would have looked had the keeper not dived and just stood still, but he didn’t so I will shut up.

Two minutes of normal time remaining and Montero who had come on from the bench provided the cross for Ayew who saw his header saved but even if it had gone it the score line would have been flattering to the visitors who were well beaten again here today by a Saints side that seems to be finding its feet once more under boss Ronald Koeman in recent weeks.

Stoke City vs. AFC Bournemouth

If readers you are reading the gigantic all in one weekend match report you will know that I have mentioned already that Stoke City are one of four clubs in the football league who are yet to have won a game going into this weekend’s round of fixtures alongside Sunderland, Newcastle United and Newport County of League Two. You will also have seen that Sunderland lost to Manchester United and I can add that there was some away day cheer for County who won 1-0 away from home so could Stoke get that particular monkey off their backs against newly promoted AFC Bournemouth.

Stoke have only lost 5 times in 22 matches against their opponents but more importantly have only ever lost once at home against them. Obviously like every Bournemouth fixture in the first half of this season, this is the first time the two clubs have met in the top flight of English football. Of course in the second half of the season the line will switch to ‘this is only the second time these two clubs have met in the top flight of English football.’ I’m waffling, I will try get on with it. But I’m just saying…

This is Stoke’s worst ever start to a Premier League campaign whilst for Bournemouth it’s their best and their worst… OK fine I will shut up and get on with it!

In come Charlie Adam and Philipp Wollscheid for the home side whilst the visitors are unchanged from last weekend’s 2-0 win at home to Sunderland.

8 minutes on the clock and that didn’t look pretty as Callum Wilson turns and twists his right knee. He’s had the magic spray and is back up on his feet looking to run it off but we saw with Sergio Agüero for Manchester City the other day when he took a whack at Crystal Palace that maybe in these types of instances it’s better to get the player off sooner rather than later rather than keep them on the pitch. Yes he will carry the clubs main goal threat this afternoon but it’s better to have him fit and raring to go for several games having not risked it than it is to risk it. We shall see.

Oh no, four minutes later and Wilson has gone down with no one around him. Eddie Howe should have been braver there and taken the player off. Having suffered with dodgy knees for years when I used to play I could tell when he went down a few minutes ago that it didn’t look good. It’s a sad sight to see him stretchered off and worse for Eddie Howe as five of the clubs eight league goals have come from the player. That looks like it will keep him out for a few weeks minimum and he joins long term absentees Tyrone Mings and Max Gradel on the sidelines. The experience and goal scoring ability of Glenn Murray brought in from Crystal Palace on deadline day could prove vital to the south coast club over the forthcoming weeks and now looks a really smart piece of business in the market if it didn’t already do so before today.

Oh dear Bournemouth’s afternoon keeps getting worse as just past the half hour mark Marko Arnautović puts an inch perfect pass through to Jonathan Walters who gives manager Mark Hughes a timely reminder about putting a new contract in front of him to sign as he makes the score 1-0.

One minute to go in normal time in the first half and Marc Pugh finds Lee Tomlin in the box but he’s bottled it and passes the ball to Matt Ritchie when he really should have shot from there having been in the better position. Ritchie’s shot was saved but he could hardly have been expecting the ball from there when the forward should have rifled a shot away and would have probably found the equaliser from that range. I don’t know when his last league goal was but he seems to be missing some much needed confidence in front of goal if that pass was anything to go by.

Nine minutes into additional time in the first half and a Cherries corner is cleared and a swift counter attack ensues which ends with Arnautović not as inch perfect as his cross for the opener and his shot misses the target. At 1-0 the South Coast still have something to fight for and have 45 minutes to get back into this game but they won’t do it if they shoot themselves in the foot like they did just then.

On 76 minutes Ritchie pulls the ball back across the edge of the box for Pugh whose effort comes back to Dan Gosling after a deflection and it’s there – an equaliser for the Cherries. That goal has brought this game to life as four minutes later they go close again as a back heel from Ritchie finds the goal scorer Gosling but his powerful effort is pushed clear by Jack Butland in the Stoke goal. He has been one of the players of this season for me if not THE player of the season so far. The lad who is just 22 years of age is having an outstanding season since he was given the opportunity to become the clubs number one following Asmir Begović’s move to Chelsea in the summer. Stoke really have him to be thankful for, for the umpteenth time this season.

I was going to say Bournemouth will have been kicking themselves if they lose this one from this position but it looks like it’s going to be more heartbreak for Eddie Howe’s men as Glen Johnson sends in a great cross into the Bournemouth box to find Mame Biram Diouf who heads the ball home to give the home side the lead with seven minutes remaining in normal time.

Three minutes left on the clock and all credit to Howe’s side as they haven’t given up fighting for a share of the points. They send a long ball into the box from a free kick and it’s another fantastic save from Butland there one handed. He has surely won his side all three points with that. If ever a save said you’re not getting past me again today that was it. Do you know what I was so excited by that I can’t even tell you who took the strike. If Stoke have any sense they’ll offer him a new contract as soon as possible and stick in a big buyout clause into it to.

So Stoke have won, Newport County have won, can Newcastle find their first win in the late kick off against Chelsea tonight?

Leicester City vs. Arsenal

Six games gone and the home side go into this game as the only unbeaten side in the Premier League following Manchester City’s perhaps surprise loss to West Ham United at home last weekend in the late Saturday teatime kick off. They take on an Arsenal side who they have failed to beat since November 1994 managing just six draws in the meantime but losing eleven in total. Their forward line is bound to give Arsene Wenger’s men a few headaches this afternoon as they go into the game as the league’s joint top goal scorers along with West Ham United. However they are yet to keep a clean sheet though no reports this week over whether Claudio Ranieri has bettered his offer of a tenner or a pizza for every player if they are to achieve that feet today against the Gunners.

For Arsenal this is the second season in succession that they’ve got ten points on the board from the possible eighteen after six games gone. Worrying for Wenger will be the fact that his side have only scored in half of those games so far but he elects to stick with Theo Walcott up front instead of Frenchman Olivier Giroud. Chilean Alexis Sanchez is still looking for his first league goal of the season having returned from South America in the summer a Copa America winner for the first time in his career.

As 4^th takes on 5^th Mark Albrighton comes into the home side whilst Mathieu Flamini fresh from his brace in the league cup against Spurs makes his first start in the league for 9 months.

Leicester start like a side utterly brimming with confidence and who have no respect for their opponents and on ten minutes Jeff Schlupp fires a shot away inside the Gunners box which is saved by Petr Cech and from the follow up Jamie Vardy hits his shot against the left post from 18 yards after a slight deflection off defender Per Mertesacker. That was a warning for the visitors there.

Just two minutes later and the Foxes launch a huge long ball down the field. Vardy brings it under control with his head and runs on into the box, one touch, two, three, shoots and he scores to make it 1-0 to the Foxes. That’s 4 in 4 for the England international and the King Power has erupted in a wall of noise.

As Arsenal look to find a way back into the game Sanchez combines with Walcott but his shot is easily palmed away by Kasper Schmeichel with sixteen minutes gone. Two minutes later and this game really is end to end as Albrighton sets up Vardy who heads onto the bar but the Gunners go straight up the other end and Walcott uses his pace to leave Huth in his wake and he scores to equalise.

Flamini’s afternoon comes to an early end with just 22 minutes played as he’s replaced by Mikel Arteta. That’s got to be an injury of some sorts surely this early into a game. This game is like ping pong on grass as the ball bounces from one end to another but eventually Arsenal make their possession count as a Héctor Bellerín ball into the box just pings up off a Foxes defender and Sanchez smuggles the ball over the line for his first goal of the season with 33 minutes played..

Into the second half and a very un-Arsenal like goal for the Gunners as Mesut Özil just lofts the ball high in the air with 12 minutes played of the second half and Sanchez heads home to double his tally for the season in the space of just 24 minutes. Whilst you can never totally write the Foxes off this does look like the end of their unbeaten run I’m afraid though you can never say never with this side of late.

Nine minutes left and maybe you can now say never with Leicester as Sanchez pops up to score from 25 yards into the bottom left hand corner. That’s 3 for the afternoon and his first ever hat trick in the Premier League for the Chilean. He’s been knocking on the door all season having had more shots than any other play coming into this game but the floodgates have opened today and he’s filled his boots and I’m throwing as many clichés as I can into this sentence. He’s a little bit special that lad he truly is.

With a minute remaining of normal time Andrej Kramarić sees his shot saved on the line by Cech before the ball is knocked in by Vardy for his second in the game but with the board going up to show 3 additional minutes of injury time even Leicester aren’t going to find another two goals in that short a space of time. However one man who does find the net is substitute Giroud who scores from 10 yards deep, deep into injury time to send another reminder to Wenger that his form is just perfectly fine thank you very much.

Well as entertaining games of football go that was right up there and with seven goals you can fill your boots but I’m still not convinced by Theo Walcott playing in that forward role. Yes he has pace in abundance and that enabled him to get past Huth easily before running on to score. Lewis Hamilton also has pace in abundance but that doesn’t mean he could ever be a forward. Oh and whilst Walcott has pace Huth would probably be outsprinted by John Terry in a race over 100 metres. With Walcott I personally feel he just misses too many opportunities. If you are given five opportunities or more per game to score your one each time then that’s a warning sign that maybe you’re not being played in the right position. So watch him join the list of players I’ve slated this season and go have a blinder next time out.

West Ham United vs. Norwich City

West Ham fans coming to the Boleyn in their last season before the club switches to the Olympic Stadium must be wondering which Hammers side will turn up to the game. The one that has managed loses at home to Leicester City and Bournemouth or the one that has managed to beat Arsenal, Liverpool and Manchester City on the road already. The thing about such big away wins is that it’s like a magic paint that glosses over the inconsistencies in West Hams play right now. I’ve seen a lot of the Hammers over the past two seasons and think I’ve seen all but three or four games home and away in that time. They’ve been booed off the pitch twice already under Slaven Bilić although both instances came during a poor Europa League run before the Premier League season kicked off. Under Sam Allardyce we heard time after time that his brand of football wasn’t ‘the West Ham way’ but this time last year the football being played was far more entertaining especially at the Boleyn than it has been this time around when Stewart Downing looked in majestic form at the head of a diamond formation. But never let the facts get in the way of a good story.

The Hammers took on City in pre-season and celebrated an easy win but there were warning signs that Nathan Redmond had the key to unlock their defence when he came on a substitute and they’ll be grateful to have seen his name omitted from the starting line-up today as he takes his place on the bench. City have won only one of the last nine league and cup games against West Ham drawing four and losing four. To find their last win at the Boleyn you have to go back all the way to March 1989. 6 of the last 10 games between the two sides have ended in draws. City have scored in 4 of the last 7 games and go into the game buoyed by a 1-1 draw away at Anfield last Sunday.

There were early alarm bells ringing for the home side as Cameron Jerome headed towards goal with just a minute gone but the City forwards header was lacking any real power and was aimed straight at Adrián. Despite winning a couple of corners in the first nine minutes the Hammers showed their defensive frailties once more in front of their own fans when a poor Marc Noble pass squared back for James Tomkins was too far in front of him and as he stretched and missed the ball Robbie Brady latched onto it and runs into the box and scores to give City the lead. That’s karma right there as the Irishman continues to ram my words down my throat having slated him a few weeks back. The goal may have come from a mistake but that’s still a deserved lead from the visitors. I guess we now know which Hammers side has turned up.

Jonny Howson is causing all sorts of problems for West Ham already today and on 18 minutes he chests the ball down but fires his shot over from 16 yards. Whilst sitting back and looking to attack on the counter may work away from home for the Hammers they need to get a grip on this game with the possessions stats currently sat at 38% to 62%. There’s a great bit of skill from Diafra Sakho on 19 minutes as he does a Maradonna drag back in the centre of the field past the Norwich midfield but it comes to nothing. Tomkins shot on 20 minutes sums up West Ham’s afternoon as it flies high over the bar from 30 yards. Deary me. Victor Moses has been kept at bay this game and he really needs to get on the ball more if West Ham are to get anything from this game this afternoon.

Unless you have been on Mars for the past seven days you cannot have failed to have seen the focus on Diego Costa after his tussle with Laurent Koscielny when referee Mike Dean missed his hands in the Arsenal defenders face in the box and Dean is at it again as Steven Whittaker connects with the face of Dimitri Payet on 22 minutes but no foul is given.

What follows is another ten minutes of football where West Ham’s final ball just doesn’t cut the mustard and they’re looking like their own worst enemies. Moses has now switched to the right wing and for the first time in this game Norwich seem to be just sitting off a bit on the ball allowing the home side to come into the game more. On 33 minutes Sakho picks up the ball in the centre circle and passes it out wide to Payet and continues his run into the box where the ball is played back into him and he scores from six yards. I’d like to say that’s been coming but I’d be lying. Perhaps the Hammers can finally wake up today after that goal.

That seems to have done the trick for West Ham as one goal turns the game totally on its head. Manuel Lanzini sends a free kick a yard wide from 35 yards out on 35 minutes and Norwich have a huge let off just three minutes later. John Ruddy came to the edge of the box and misses the ball completely but Sakho hooked his shot over the bar with the goal wide open.

Half time and the sides go in level. Things were getting scrappy in the last ten minutes there and both managers will need to find some words of wisdom during the break. Norwich started much the brighter in the game and just allowed West Ham to gradually get into the game. They need to start the second half in the same manner they started this game and not how they ended it if they’re to take anything back to Norfolk at full time.

Howson once again proves to be head and shoulders above the rest but he should have done better than his tame shot with just a minute gone of the second half. Four minutes into the half and it’s Howson again and this time he does much better as his shot from 20 yards is heading towards the top corner of the net but Adrián tips it wide for a corner with a one handed save. That was one for the cameras from the Spaniard but it looked the business.

54 minutes gone and if the additional time added earlier in this season for drinks breaks because of the heat became a first in English football then there can’t be many instances of additional time having to be added for players having to carry a pigeon off the pitch as Howson scoops up a feathered friend in the middle of the pitch and takes him to safety of the other side of the advertising hoardings.

Cheikhou Kouyaté slices a great opportunity wide with ten minutes gone after a good ball from Moses but that’s the latter’s last involvement in this game as he is replaced by Pedro Obiang. He hasn’t been at the races today but given his lack of game time this season you imagine that his legs are somewhat heavy. Norwich are beginning to sit deeper again and inviting West Ham onto the ball, defending in numbers and looking to hit on the counter attack. Just before the hour mark Sakho produces a lovely piece of skill with four Norwich defenders around him to find Payet but his shot is saved by Ruddy.

Twenty two minutes left in the game and Redmond is warming up on the side lines. Someone stick their leg out and trip him up. No one does and he comes on for Graham Dorrans. That’s certainly a positive move for Norwich given that they’ve been sitting back in this half so far. Alex Neil obviously thinks he can get all three points here this afternoon. Bilić obviously has the same thoughts as he brings Andy Carroll into the action.

Seven minutes to go and wouldn’t you just know it, Redmond scores for Norwich as his shot from 15 yards goes through a crowded box and into the net. The Hammers coaching staff obviously have shorter memories than I have. Can City hold on to win away?

Bilić rolls the dice once more as Noble comes off to make way for Mauro Zárate and it looks like the Hammers will switch to a 4-3-3 for the remainder of this game as they search for an equaliser. For all the glory in beating the likes of Arsenal, City and Liverpool away from home these are the bread and butter games that you have to win in the Premier League and as things stand this will be their third loss at home in four games so far. Just not good enough I’m afraid and the irony is that Norwich have done exactly what brought West Ham their success on the road. They’ve held back and soaked up the pressure admirably and hit the home side on the break.

90 minutes gone now and Norwich have defender Russell Martin to thank there as he clears off the line for Sakho. Four minutes of additional time have been shown and you can expect everything but the kitchen sink to be thrown at the City goal in that time. In the dying embers of the game now and West Ham have won a free kick in a dangerous position. Payet puts the ball into the box and Ruddy drops the ball and it falls against Carroll and spills forward and heartbreak for City as Kouyaté equalises for West Ham. I know parrots get sick but today there will be eleven Canaries on the pitch feeling sick after that late, late hammer blow which sees them leave with just one point. I said it a few weeks back readers that Norwich may well look back come May time and need an added column in the table for games they should have won and they’ve added another here today. You’ve got to feel sorry for the goalkeeper there because in fairness he hasn’t really had a lot to do this afternoon.

Newcastle United vs. Chelsea

Despite José Mourinho’s claims that he likes coming to St James’ Park you have to think otherwise as the history books show the Portuguese manager has never won here in the North East having drawn twice and lost three times. In fact winless Newcastle go into today’s teatime kick off having secured wins in the last three games against Chelsea. You can’t imagine on current form that the Magpies can do it a fourth time but stranger things have happened in football over the years and you cannot discount the psychological edge however slim it may be. Newcastle will also point to the fact that the last six games have been won by whoever was the home side so where’s there’s hope there’s always a way of picking up a positive result.

2015 has been a bad year for not only Manager Steve McLaren in terms of his results for Derby County and Newcastle but moreover for the Magpies having collected just 15 points from a possible 75 in this calendar year. They’ve won just three games, drawn six and lost a staggering 15 times in all. Midweek they slumped to a new low as they lost in the league cup to a Sheffield Wednesday side that made ten changes following their 3-2 home win over Fulham on Saturday. Worse possibly for new boss McLaren is that comparatively after six league games his record is even worse at Newcastle’s than under John Carver’s first six in charge. The latter secured six points from six games winning 1, drawing 3 and losing 2, scoring and conceding 9 goals in the process. McLaren by contrast is still searching for his first win as the Magpies sit second bottom in the table on two points having scored just three goals in total, two of which came in their opening game at home to Southampton.

Chelsea managed their first clean sheet of the season at home to Arsenal last Saturday and go into today’s game with a treble of back to back wins in Europe, the Premier League and the League Cup as they continue to overcome their own comparative bad start to this season. Loïc Rémy the ex-Newcastle Unites forward comes into the side to replace the suspended Diego Costa.

Just before the half hour mark Ayoze Pérez who has gone off the boil somewhat after a good start to his Newcastle career last term fires a shot straight at Asmir Begović. The ball is put back into the box by Daryl Janmaat but Newcastle again see their shot saved. Positive stuff from the home side though and for once the fans have something to cheer about up at St James’.

There’s panic in the ranks on 38 minutes as Chancel Mbemba loses the ball and Cesc Fàbregas rifles in a 30 yard shot which Tim Krul saves. That must have stung his hands there was real venom in that shot. Newcastle just need to keep their composure before half time and not undo all of their good work so far this half.

Branislav Ivanović and Kurt Zouma will have been left pointing the blame at one another as three minutes before half time neither man puts a challenge on the young Spanish striker Pérez and he controls his excitement at being given the key to the freedom of Chelsea’s penalty area and slots the ball home to give Newcastle the lead. It’s unbelievable to think that the London sides defence looks so inept compared to this time last year. I wonder what John Terry makes of that one as he looks on from the side lines.

Half time and it’s 1-0 to the Magpies and on balance you have to say that they deserve their lead as well. Can Steve McLaren add his name to the list of Graeme Souness, Glenn Roeder and Alan Pardew as managers of Newcastle to have beaten Mourinho. There’s a long way to go in this game yet but you never know.

Hold the front page, cometh the hour, cometh the man as Georginio Wijnaldum heads in to make the score Newcastle 2 Chelsea 0 after 60 minutes. Well, well, well what have Chelsea got in their locker now if anything at all? Half an hour left on the board for last season’s title winners to try muster something from this game and for McLaren’s men to hold on or even find a third. Do you go for the jugular at this stage or try to see the game out from here?

BANG 79 minutes and that’s a terrific goal from the little Brazilian Ramires from 20 yards out. Eden Hazard played the ball through into the centre and he has hammered that shot past Krul with a strike of real quality there. You just cannot afford to give any of these Chelsea players time on the ball like that in front of goal. We saw that at the start of the month against Everton when Nemanja Matić pinged one in like he was on the training pitch with no one picking him up. For all their problems this season let’s not forget this is a Chelsea team that has within it some real top quality players.

Seven minutes to go and Pedro finds himself one on one with Krul after a great ball from Fàbregas but the Spaniard fires his shot over. Newcastle are starting to wobble at the back now. This is where McLaren needs his leaders on the pitch to stand up and be counted and marshal the backline for the remaining few minutes.

The site of McLaren on the touchline with his head bowed and the look of despair and agony says it all as a crossed free kick into the box from Willian finds its way into the back of the net. Krul looks like he was unsighted by Ramires who jumped to try and get a touch on the ball. Oh Newcastle hearts will have been broken there and that was similar to Oscars goal in the opening game of their season against Swansea City where the ball just came into the box and no one managed to get another touch on it. That was lucky for Chelsea but equally as unlucky for Newcastle. When you’re down the bottom of the league sometimes you just cannot get the rub of the green. Can Chelsea find a winner now?

Two minutes to go and Newcastle give away another free kick which is taken once more by Willian and this time he finds the head of Ramires. The two have combined superbly this second half but it’s saved by a grateful Tim Krul.

In the end it’s hope and despair all rolled into one for McLaren’s side as they finish the game with a point. A superb come back from Chelsea to claim a draw but with the quality they have in their side they would have been expecting to be travelling back to London with all three points. Rémy has had a stinker today against his former employers. The point is not enough to take Newcastle out of the bottom three as they go into next weekend still searching for their first win of the season.

Sunday 27^th September

Watford vs. Crystal Palace

A rarity for Sunday football this with only one game this afternoon ahead of a busy week of European football for the English sides still involved in the Champions League and Europa League. This is the first time the two clubs have met in the Premier League. Watford will be looking to improve on a home record that has seen them collect just one win in 9 at home to Palace drawing 3 and losing 5. They go into today’s game winning two on the spin and are yet to concede a goal at home so far in this campaign. Palace’s away record under Alan Pardew is well documented having won eight of eleven games but they are yet to draw a single game so don’t expect them to start today – it’s all or nothing it seems away from Selhurst Park. Palace have yet to keep a clean sheet in eight league and cup games but will have been buoyed by the hat trick from Marcus Gayle in the 4-1 League Cup win over Charlton Athletic last time out and he starts today’s game.

Palace come into the all London affair off the back of defeats to Manchester City and Tottenham Hotspur and on paper this game has only slightly more glamour than Brentford vs. Leyton Orient but you never know it might surprise us all. The last time the two sides met was in the Play Off final in 2013 which saw Ian Holloway and Gianfranco Zola in the respective dugouts leading their sides. Quique Sánchez Flores is now Watford’s fifth manager since then following on from Giuseppe Sannino, Óscar García Junyent, Billy McKinlay and Slaviša Jokanović. Since Holloway’s departure at Palace they have seen Keith Millen take on the caretaker role three times with Tony Pulis, Neil Warnock and latterly Alan Pardew filling the Managers position on a more permanent basis. Both clubs could do with a period of sustained stability under their present managers one feels.

Watford remain unchanged from last week’s 2-1 victory away to Newcastle United. Yannick Bolasie starts for Palace having signed a new contract with the club during the week to ward off any potential suitors for the young forward during the next couple of transfer windows. Wayne Hennessey comes in to start in goal for the away side.

Straight from the kick off Bolasie goes on the attack and you get the feeling it could be a long afternoon for Watford’s defence if he’s in this sort of mood. He’s definitely one of those players that you don’t know what to expect from him when he’s on the ball and you suspect that half the time that the player himself isn’t ever entirely sure either. The move comes to nothing though but the early warning signs are there that he’s up for the game at least.

Twelve minutes in and Allan Nyom is punished for a foul on Bakary Sako. From the resulting Yohan Cabaye free kick Brede Hangeland heads the ball from four yards out but it’s straight at Heurelho Gomes who in fairness won’t have known an awful lot about that save as the ball came straight at him. Anywhere else and Palace would have been celebrating an early lead. That’s a real let off for the Hornets there.

Well I said this wasn’t a glamour game on paper and apart from Hangeland’s header there wasn’t an awful lot to write home about in the first half. I’m still clinging to the fact that a Palace away game should result in some sort of win for one of the two teams so let’s see if either can draw first blood in the second half.

Two minutes in and Palace’s Joe Ledley fouls Almen Abdi. From the resulting free kick José Jurado bends the ball around the Eagles wall and smacks the bar. Better from the Hornets. They may be the smaller of the two creatures but they’re flying higher in the second half so far and I’m still trotting out the clichés. Nine minutes in and Abdi is causing Pardew’s men all sorts of problems already this half as he shoots from 25 yards but Hennessey gets down well to that one to keep the scores level at 0-0.

On the hour mark Palace have a great chance when Gayle is played through by Sako with a wonderful probing ball into the box but the ex-Peterborough striker sees his shot hit the bar. Twenty minutes to go and substitute Wilfred Zaha is brought down by Nyom right on the edge of his own 18 yard area but his foot was just inside and referee Anthony Taylor points to the spot. He’s got that decision right but what a stupid challenge from the Cameroonian defender, he’s let his team mates down there I feel. Seems that despite Gayle scoring twice from the penalty spot in midweek the Frenchman Cabaye isn’t as confident about his kicking abilities and nominates himself to strike this. He makes a good decision as well as he sweeps it home to the left and whilst Gomes guessed the right way he didn’t get anywhere near that. That’s the first goal Watford have conceded at home in the league all season. You’ve got to say that Taylor was in an excellent position to spot the foul just inside the box there. Given how much I slate referee’s it’s only ever fair to highlight when they’ve made good calls in games and this was definitely one of those times even if the Watford fans don’t agree.

Twelve minutes to go and you see why Cabaye may have chosen to step up and take that penalty when Gayle puts his next chance just past the post. It really hasn’t been his day today so far. Six minutes to go and it’s Gayle again who just misses. Perhaps he used all his luck up for the week with the three against Charlton Athletic. In the end however it didn’t matter as Pardew’s men defeat Watford for their first loss at home since their promotion to the Premier League. Palace record their first clean sheet in all competitions and keep up their away record of having only ever won or lost under Alan Pardew on the road.

I mentioned Brentford earlier in jest. Just on a side issue as I type these notes up 24 hours later and the Bee’s have already parted company with Marinus Dijkhuizen who took over from Mark Warburton who guided the club into the Championship Play Offs last season. Meanwhile Warburton sees his Glasgow Rangers side win their eighth consecutive game to lead the Scottish Championship by 9 points with a goal difference of plus 24. Not hard to see that Brentford owner Matthew Benham has shot himself in the foot there getting rid of the ex-City trader. Still you can imagine he will get zero sympathy for changing his approach to how the club is run.

Monday 28^th September

West Bromwich Albion vs. Everton

Recent history between the two clubs suggests this contest will be a tight fought one after the last four meetings ended in a draw. The Baggies have recorded just a solitary win in the last four at the Hawthorns against Everton drawing 1 and losing 2. Couple this with the fact that they are also yet to win at home this season in their first three games and it hardly looks set to be a classic. Only Newcastle have scored fewer goals this season than the Baggies so far.

Everton will be looking to get past a Baggies defence which have kept 14 clean sheets since Pulis took charge back in January, more than any other side in the top flight during the same period. If they keep Everton at bay today it will be their fourth consecutive clean sheet in the league though they did concede three away to Norwich City in the league cup during the week as they crashed out of the competition.

Everton find themselves unbeaten away from home in league and cup this season having played five games away from Goodison so far. Their defence has proved as mean as the home sides in recent games to boot and have kept three successive shut outs in their last three away games in the league. However things aren’t happening as they would like at the other end of the pitch having not scored in three out of their last four games. They could do with a decent result here tonight though as their next three league games come against Liverpool, Manchester United and Arsenal.

What can you say about the first half of this game. To be honest I was almost in a near coma like state it was that dull. On 28 minutes Ross Barkley stuck in his audition tape for miss of the season having been played in with a superb ball right into the heart of the Baggies penalty area but he fails to even connect as he swung his left peg at the ball. It was humorous for those not affiliated to the blue half of Merseyside if nothing else.

Five minutes before half time and the comedy errors continued but this time at the back for the visitors as they twice lost the ball in their own half and James Morrison rolled the ball perfectly into the penalty area for Sadio Berahino to shoot and his shot took a slight deflection off goalkeeper Tim Howards foot as it bounced up into the net to give the Baggies the lead and the England international his second goal in as many games. If he carries on scoring at this rate you suspect that even the most hardened of Baggies fans will forgive his behaviour on transfer deadline day. One thing is for sure the second half surely cannot be any worse than the first.

Sensing the smell of blood West Brom go close again two minutes into the second half as another decent ball to the edge of the box from Morrison finds James McLean but the Irishman fails to connect properly with his shot and it just flies into the crowd. Had that been on target into the top left hand corner I don’t think Howard would have gotten anywhere near it in fairness. It’s a fine line between success and failure some days.

It appears we have a game on our hands finally as seven minutes in the ball finds its way to Darren Fletcher who is unmarked at the far post but his header is erm, what’s the best way of putting this? Quite frankly crap but unlike Barkley in the first half at least he managed to get something on it. It’s no surprise to see him take his anger out on the grass there before getting back to his feet. However the Baggies did somehow manage to get a corner from it. Luckily this time it falls to Craig Dawson and he makes no mistake as the Baggies double their lead from the defenders header. The last time the Baggies scored twice at home they eventually lost to Chelsea 3-2.

Everton didn’t waste any time at all getting back into this game as three minutes later as Gerard Deulofeu finds himself in acres of space and too much time on his hands. He had time to pour himself a cup of tea have a nice bite of cake and still send in a great ball into the area which was plum for the Belgian Romelu Lukaku to power home a header into the back of the net. Ten minutes of the second half has already provided far more entertainment than all of the first half combined. Game on.

Twenty minutes to go and James McCarthy appears to have forgotten to tie his boot laces as he goes over in the box. He wasn’t fooling anyone there let alone referee Robert Madley who rightly books the Evertonian for simulation. I do think that for offenses like that football should take the lead from rugby and sin bin players for a period of time in a bid to eradicate it from the game.

Sixteen minutes remain as Everton’s goal scorer turns provider for Arouna Koné as his cleverly disguised pass is met in the on the edge of the 18 yard box and the Ivorian plays himself into position before knocking the ball into the net from close range to bring the scores level. He looked offside to me looking at the replays. The Baggies will feel more than a little hard done by there you feel.

Seven minutes left on the clock and it’s Deulofeu who finds Lukaku in the box again and despite his first touch being as heavy as a spanner he chases down the ball as it goes back towards the far post from where he was originally stood and he bundles it home to give his side the lead for the first time tonight. It wasn’t pretty by any stretch of the imagination but they all count at the end of the day. Replays suggest that he handled the ball in the build up to that goal as well. Not that I think he did it deliberately but it lead to the chance on goal. The Baggies have been fitted up like a kipper here and this is almost as bad as the Tottenham vs. Manchester City game on Saturday in terms of the decisions the officials have gotten wrong for the goals which stood.

The Baggies bring Rickie Lambert on, a self-confessed Liverpool fan and he misses a glorious chance with three minutes remaining to draw the two side’s level. You don’t have to be a very good lip reader to know that he knows he should have done better with that effort. In the end West Brom come away with nothing in a game they should have gone onto get at least a point from if not all three. With every round of games that passes you have to wonder why in the richest league in the world we have to suffer the incorrect decisions of referees and their assistants time and time again, week in, week out when television replays could be used as they are in a huge number of other sports now to help the officials.

West Bromwich Albion vs. Everton

Monday 28^th September

Recent history between the two clubs suggests this contest will be a tight fought one after the last four meetings ended in a draw. The Baggies have recorded just a solitary win in the last four at the Hawthorns against Everton drawing 1 and losing 2. Couple this with the fact that they are also yet to win at home this season in their first three games and it hardly looks set to be a classic. Only Newcastle have scored fewer goals this season than the Baggies so far.

Everton will be looking to get past a Baggies defence which have kept 14 clean sheets since Pulis took charge back in January, more than any other side in the top flight during the same period. If they keep Everton at bay today it will be their fourth consecutive clean sheet in the league though they did concede three away to Norwich City in the league cup during the week as they crashed out of the competition.

Everton find themselves unbeaten away from home in league and cup this season having played five games away from Goodison so far. Their defence has proved as mean as the home sides in recent games to boot and have kept three successive shut outs in their last three away games in the league. However things aren’t happening as they would like at the other end of the pitch having not scored in three out of their last four games. They could do with a decent result here tonight though as their next three league games come against Liverpool, Manchester United and Arsenal.

What can you say about the first half of this game. To be honest I was almost in a near coma like state it was that dull. On 28 minutes Ross Barkley stuck in his audition tape for miss of the season having been played in with a superb ball right into the heart of the Baggies penalty area but he fails to even connect as he swung his left peg at the ball. It was humorous for those not affiliated to the blue half of Merseyside if nothing else.

Five minutes before half time and the comedy errors continued but this time at the back for the visitors as they twice lost the ball in their own half and James Morrison rolled the ball perfectly into the penalty area for Sadio Berahino to shoot and his shot took a slight deflection off goalkeeper Tim Howards foot as it bounced up into the net to give the Baggies the lead and the England international his second goal in as many games. If he carries on scoring at this rate you suspect that even the most hardened of Baggies fans will forgive his behaviour on transfer deadline day. One thing is for sure the second half surely cannot be any worse than the first.

Sensing the smell of blood West Brom go close again two minutes into the second half as another decent ball to the edge of the box from Morrison finds James McLean but the Irishman fails to connect properly with his shot and it just flies into the crowd. Had that been on target into the top left hand corner I don’t think Howard would have gotten anywhere near it in fairness. It’s a fine line between success and failure some days.

It appears we have a game on our hands finally as seven minutes in the ball finds its way to Darren Fletcher who is unmarked at the far post but his header is erm, what’s the best way of putting this? Quite frankly crap but unlike Barkley in the first half at least he managed to get something on it. It’s no surprise to see him take his anger out on the grass there before getting back to his feet. However the Baggies did somehow manage to get a corner from it. Luckily this time it falls to Craig Dawson and he makes no mistake as the Baggies double their lead from the defenders header. The last time the Baggies scored twice at home they eventually lost to Chelsea 3-2.

Everton didn’t waste any time at all getting back into this game as three minutes later as Gerard Deulofeu finds himself in acres of space and too much time on his hands. He had time to pour himself a cup of tea have a nice bite of cake and still send in a great ball into the area which was plum for the Belgian Romelu Lukaku to power home a header into the back of the net. Ten minutes of the second half has already provided far more entertainment than all of the first half combined. Game on.

Twenty minutes to go and James McCarthy appears to have forgotten to tie his boot laces as he goes over in the box. He wasn’t fooling anyone there let alone referee Robert Madley who rightly books the Evertonian for simulation. I do think that for offenses like that football should take the lead from rugby and sin bin players for a period of time in a bid to eradicate it from the game.

Sixteen minutes remain as Everton’s goal scorer turns provider for Arouna Koné as his cleverly disguised pass is met in the on the edge of the 18 yard box and the Ivorian plays himself into position before knocking the ball into the net from close range to bring the scores level. He looked offside to me looking at the replays. The Baggies will feel more than a little hard done by there you feel.

Seven minutes left on the clock and it’s Deulofeu who finds Lukaku in the box again and despite his first touch being as heavy as a spanner he chases down the ball as it goes back towards the far post from where he was originally stood and he bundles it home to give his side the lead for the first time tonight. It wasn’t pretty by any stretch of the imagination but they all count at the end of the day. Replays suggest that he handled the ball in the build up to that goal as well. Not that I think he did it deliberately but it lead to the chance on goal. The Baggies have been fitted up like a kipper here and this is almost as bad as the Tottenham vs. Manchester City game on Saturday in terms of the decisions the officials have gotten wrong for the goals which stood.

The Baggies bring Rickie Lambert on, a self-confessed Liverpool fan and he misses a glorious chance with three minutes remaining to draw the two side’s level. You don’t have to be a very good lip reader to know that he knows he should have done better with that effort. In the end West Brom come away with nothing in a game they should have gone onto get at least a point from if not all three. With every round of games that passes you have to wonder why in the richest league in the world we have to suffer the incorrect decisions of referees and their assistants time and time again, week in, week out when television replays could be used as they are in a huge number of other sports now to help the officials.

Watford 0 Crystal Palace 1

Sunday 27^th September

A rarity for Sunday football this with only one game this afternoon ahead of a busy week of European football for the English sides still involved in the Champions League and Europa League. This is the first time the two clubs have met in the Premier League. Watford will be looking to improve on a home record that has seen them collect just one win in 9 at home to Palace drawing 3 and losing 5. They go into today’s game winning two on the spin and are yet to concede a goal at home so far in this campaign. Palace’s away record under Alan Pardew is well documented having won eight of eleven games but they are yet to draw a single game so don’t expect them to start today – it’s all or nothing it seems away from Selhurst Park. Palace have yet to keep a clean sheet in eight league and cup games but will have been buoyed by the hat trick from Marcus Gayle in the 4-1 League Cup win over Charlton Athletic last time out and he starts today’s game.

Palace come into the all London affair off the back of defeats to Manchester City and Tottenham Hotspur and on paper this game has only slightly more glamour than Brentford vs. Leyton Orient but you never know it might surprise us all. The last time the two sides met was in the Play Off final in 2013 which saw Ian Holloway and Gianfranco Zola in the respective dugouts leading their sides. Quique Sánchez Flores is now Watford’s fifth manager since then following on from Giuseppe Sannino, Óscar García Junyent, Billy McKinlay and Slaviša Jokanović. Since Holloway’s departure at Palace they have seen Keith Millen take on the caretaker role three times with Tony Pulis, Neil Warnock and latterly Alan Pardew filling the Managers position on a more permanent basis. Both clubs could do with a period of sustained stability under their present managers one feels.

Watford remain unchanged from last week’s 2-1 victory away to Newcastle United. Yannick Bolasie starts for Palace having signed a new contract with the club during the week to ward off any potential suitors for the young forward during the next couple of transfer windows. Wayne Hennessey comes in to start in goal for the away side.

Straight from the kick off Bolasie goes on the attack and you get the feeling it could be a long afternoon for Watford’s defence if he’s in this sort of mood. He’s definitely one of those players that you don’t know what to expect from him when he’s on the ball and you suspect that half the time that the player himself isn’t ever entirely sure either. The move comes to nothing though but the early warning signs are there that he’s up for the game at least.

Twelve minutes in and Allan Nyom is punished for a foul on Bakary Sako. From the resulting Yohan Cabaye free kick Brede Hangeland heads the ball from four yards out but it’s straight at Heurelho Gomes who in fairness won’t have known an awful lot about that save as the ball came straight at him. Anywhere else and Palace would have been celebrating an early lead. That’s a real let off for the Hornets there.

Well I said this wasn’t a glamour game on paper and apart from Hangeland’s header there wasn’t an awful lot to write home about in the first half. I’m still clinging to the fact that a Palace away game should result in some sort of win for one of the two teams so let’s see if either can draw first blood in the second half.

Two minutes in and Palace’s Joe Ledley fouls Almen Abdi. From the resulting free kick José Jurado bends the ball around the Eagles wall and smacks the bar. Better from the Hornets. They may be the smaller of the two creatures but they’re flying higher in the second half so far and I’m still trotting out the clichés. Nine minutes in and Abdi is causing Pardew’s men all sorts of problems already this half as he shoots from 25 yards but Hennessey gets down well to that one to keep the scores level at 0-0.

On the hour mark Palace have a great chance when Gayle is played through by Sako with a wonderful probing ball into the box but the ex-Peterborough striker sees his shot hit the bar. Twenty minutes to go and substitute Wilfred Zaha is brought down by Nyom right on the edge of his own 18 yard area but his foot was just inside and referee Anthony Taylor points to the spot. He’s got that decision right but what a stupid challenge from the Cameroonian defender, he’s let his team mates down there I feel. Seems that despite Gayle scoring twice from the penalty spot in midweek the Frenchman Cabaye isn’t as confident about his kicking abilities and nominates himself to strike this. He makes a good decision as well as he sweeps it home to the left and whilst Gomes guessed the right way he didn’t get anywhere near that. That’s the first goal Watford have conceded at home in the league all season. You’ve got to say that Taylor was in an excellent position to spot the foul just inside the box there. Given how much I slate referee’s it’s only ever fair to highlight when they’ve made good calls in games and this was definitely one of those times even if the Watford fans don’t agree.

Twelve minutes to go and you see why Cabaye may have chosen to step up and take that penalty when Gayle puts his next chance just past the post. It really hasn’t been his day today so far. Six minutes to go and it’s Gayle again who just misses. Perhaps he used all his luck up for the week with the three against Charlton Athletic. In the end however it didn’t matter as Pardew’s men defeat Watford for their first loss at home since their promotion to the Premier League. Palace record their first clean sheet in all competitions and keep up their away record of having only ever won or lost under Alan Pardew on the road.

I mentioned Brentford earlier in jest. Just on a side issue as I type these notes up 24 hours later and the Bee’s have already parted company with Marinus Dijkhuizen who took over from Mark Warburton who guided the club into the Championship Play Offs last season. Meanwhile Warburton sees his Glasgow Rangers side win their eighth consecutive game to lead the Scottish Championship by 9 points with a goal difference of plus 24. Not hard to see that Brentford owner Matthew Benham has shot himself in the foot there getting rid of the ex-City trader. Still you can imagine he will get zero sympathy for changing his approach to how the club is run.

Newcastle United 2 Chelsea 2

Saturday 26th September

Despite José Mourinho’s claims that he likes coming to St James’ Park you have to think otherwise as the history books show the Portuguese manager has never won here in the North East having drawn twice and lost three times. In fact winless Newcastle go into today’s teatime kick off having secured wins in the last three games against Chelsea. You can’t imagine on current form that the Magpies can do it a fourth time but stranger things have happened in football over the years and you cannot discount the psychological edge however slim it may be. Newcastle will also point to the fact that the last six games have been won by whoever was the home side so where’s there’s hope there’s always a way of picking up a positive result.

2015 has been a bad year for not only Manager Steve McLaren in terms of his results for Derby County and Newcastle but moreover for the Magpies having collected just 15 points from a possible 75 in this calendar year. They’ve won just three games, drawn six and lost a staggering 15 times in all. Midweek they slumped to a new low as they lost in the league cup to a Sheffield Wednesday side that made ten changes following their 3-2 home win over Fulham on Saturday. Worse possibly for new boss McLaren is that comparatively after six league games his record is even worse at Newcastle’s than under John Carver’s first six in charge. The latter secured six points from six games winning 1, drawing 3 and losing 2, scoring and conceding 9 goals in the process. McLaren by contrast is still searching for his first win as the Magpies sit second bottom in the table on two points having scored just three goals in total, two of which came in their opening game at home to Southampton.

Chelsea managed their first clean sheet of the season at home to Arsenal last Saturday and go into today’s game with a treble of back to back wins in Europe, the Premier League and the League Cup as they continue to overcome their own comparative bad start to this season. Loïc Rémy the ex-Newcastle Unites forward comes into the side to replace the suspended Diego Costa.

Just before the half hour mark Ayoze Pérez who has gone off the boil somewhat after a good start to his Newcastle career last term fires a shot straight at Asmir Begović. The ball is put back into the box by Daryl Janmaat but Newcastle again see their shot saved. Positive stuff from the home side though and for once the fans have something to cheer about up at St James’.

There’s panic in the ranks on 38 minutes as Chancel Mbemba loses the ball and Cesc Fàbregas rifles in a 30 yard shot which Tim Krul saves. That must have stung his hands there was real venom in that shot. Newcastle just need to keep their composure before half time and not undo all of their good work so far this half.

Branislav Ivanović and Kurt Zouma will have been left pointing the blame at one another as three minutes before half time neither man puts a challenge on the young Spanish striker Pérez and he controls his excitement at being given the key to the freedom of Chelsea’s penalty area and slots the ball home to give Newcastle the lead. It’s unbelievable to think that the London sides defence looks so inept compared to this time last year. I wonder what John Terry makes of that one as he looks on from the side lines.

Half time and it’s 1-0 to the Magpies and on balance you have to say that they deserve their lead as well. Can Steve McLaren add his name to the list of Graeme Souness, Glenn Roeder and Alan Pardew as managers of Newcastle to have beaten Mourinho. There’s a long way to go in this game yet but you never know.

Hold the front page, cometh the hour, cometh the man as Georginio Wijnaldum heads in to make the score Newcastle 2 Chelsea 0 after 60 minutes. Well, well, well what have Chelsea got in their locker now if anything at all? Half an hour left on the board for last season’s title winners to try muster something from this game and for McLaren’s men to hold on or even find a third. Do you go for the jugular at this stage or try to see the game out from here?

BANG 79 minutes and that’s a terrific goal from the little Brazilian Ramires from 20 yards out. Eden Hazard played the ball through into the centre and he has hammered that shot past Krul with a strike of real quality there. You just cannot afford to give any of these Chelsea players time on the ball like that in front of goal. We saw that at the start of the month against Everton when Nemanja Matić pinged one in like he was on the training pitch with no one picking him up. For all their problems this season let’s not forget this is a Chelsea team that has within it some real top quality players.

Seven minutes to go and Pedro finds himself one on one with Krul after a great ball from Fàbregas but the Spaniard fires his shot over. Newcastle are starting to wobble at the back now. This is where McLaren needs his leaders on the pitch to stand up and be counted and marshal the backline for the remaining few minutes.

The site of McLaren on the touchline with his head bowed and the look of despair and agony says it all as a crossed free kick into the box from Willian finds its way into the back of the net. Krul looks like he was unsighted by Ramires who jumped to try and get a touch on the ball. Oh Newcastle hearts will have been broken there and that was similar to Oscars goal in the opening game of their season against Swansea City where the ball just came into the box and no one managed to get another touch on it. That was lucky for Chelsea but equally as unlucky for Newcastle. When you’re down the bottom of the league sometimes you just cannot get the rub of the green. Can Chelsea find a winner now?

Two minutes to go and Newcastle give away another free kick which is taken once more by Willian and this time he finds the head of Ramires. The two have combined superbly this second half but it’s saved by a grateful Tim Krul.

In the end it’s hope and despair all rolled into one for McLaren’s side as they finish the game with a point. A superb come back from Chelsea to claim a draw but with the quality they have in their side they would have been expecting to be travelling back to London with all three points. Rémy has had a stinker today against his former employers. The point is not enough to take Newcastle out of the bottom three as they go into next weekend still searching for their first win of the season.

West Ham United 2 Norwich City 2

Saturday 26th September

West Ham fans coming to the Boleyn in their last season before the club switches to the Olympic Stadium must be wondering which Hammers side will turn up to the game. The one that has managed loses at home to Leicester City and Bournemouth or the one that has managed to beat Arsenal, Liverpool and Manchester City on the road already. The thing about such big away wins is that it’s like a magic paint that glosses over the inconsistencies in West Hams play right now. I’ve seen a lot of the Hammers over the past two seasons and think I’ve seen all but three or four games home and away in that time. They’ve been booed off the pitch twice already under Slaven Bilić although both instances came during a poor Europa League run before the Premier League season kicked off. Under Sam Allardyce we heard time after time that his brand of football wasn’t ‘the West Ham way’ but this time last year the football being played was far more entertaining especially at the Boleyn than it has been this time around when Stewart Downing looked in majestic form at the head of a diamond formation. But never let the facts get in the way of a good story.

The Hammers took on City in pre-season and celebrated an easy win but there were warning signs that Nathan Redmond had the key to unlock their defence when he came on a substitute and they’ll be grateful to have seen his name omitted from the starting line-up today as he takes his place on the bench. City have won only one of the last nine league and cup games against West Ham drawing four and losing four. To find their last win at the Boleyn you have to go back all the way to March 1989. 6 of the last 10 games between the two sides have ended in draws. City have scored in 4 of the last 7 games and go into the game buoyed by a 1-1 draw away at Anfield last Sunday.

There were early alarm bells ringing for the home side as Cameron Jerome headed towards goal with just a minute gone but the City forwards header was lacking any real power and was aimed straight at Adrián. Despite winning a couple of corners in the first nine minutes the Hammers showed their defensive frailties once more in front of their own fans when a poor Marc Noble pass squared back for James Tomkins was too far in front of him and as he stretched and missed the ball Robbie Brady latched onto it and runs into the box and scores to give City the lead. That’s karma right there as the Irishman continues to ram my words down my throat having slated him a few weeks back. The goal may have come from a mistake but that’s still a deserved lead from the visitors. I guess we now know which Hammers side has turned up.

Jonny Howson is causing all sorts of problems for West Ham already today and on 18 minutes he chests the ball down but fires his shot over from 16 yards. Whilst sitting back and looking to attack on the counter may work away from home for the Hammers they need to get a grip on this game with the possessions stats currently sat at 38% to 62%. There’s a great bit of skill from Diafra Sakho on 19 minutes as he does a Maradonna drag back in the centre of the field past the Norwich midfield but it comes to nothing. Tomkins shot on 20 minutes sums up West Ham’s afternoon as it flies high over the bar from 30 yards. Deary me. Victor Moses has been kept at bay this game and he really needs to get on the ball more if West Ham are to get anything from this game this afternoon.

Unless you have been on Mars for the past seven days you cannot have failed to have seen the focus on Diego Costa after his tussle with Laurent Koscielny when referee Mike Dean missed his hands in the Arsenal defenders face in the box and Dean is at it again as Steven Whittaker connects with the face of Dimitri Payet on 22 minutes but no foul is given.

What follows is another ten minutes of football where West Ham’s final ball just doesn’t cut the mustard and they’re looking like their own worst enemies. Moses has now switched to the right wing and for the first time in this game Norwich seem to be just sitting off a bit on the ball allowing the home side to come into the game more. On 33 minutes Sakho picks up the ball in the centre circle and passes it out wide to Payet and continues his run into the box where the ball is played back into him and he scores from six yards. I’d like to say that’s been coming but I’d be lying. Perhaps the Hammers can finally wake up today after that goal.

That seems to have done the trick for West Ham as one goal turns the game totally on its head. Manuel Lanzini sends a free kick a yard wide from 35 yards out on 35 minutes and Norwich have a huge let off just three minutes later. John Ruddy came to the edge of the box and misses the ball completely but Sakho hooked his shot over the bar with the goal wide open.

Half time and the sides go in level. Things were getting scrappy in the last ten minutes there and both managers will need to find some words of wisdom during the break. Norwich started much the brighter in the game and just allowed West Ham to gradually get into the game. They need to start the second half in the same manner they started this game and not how they ended it if they’re to take anything back to Norfolk at full time.

Howson once again proves to be head and shoulders above the rest but he should have done better than his tame shot with just a minute gone of the second half. Four minutes into the half and it’s Howson again and this time he does much better as his shot from 20 yards is heading towards the top corner of the net but Adrián tips it wide for a corner with a one handed save. That was one for the cameras from the Spaniard but it looked the business.

54 minutes gone and if the additional time added earlier in this season for drinks breaks because of the heat became a first in English football then there can’t be many instances of additional time having to be added for players having to carry a pigeon off the pitch as Howson scoops up a feathered friend in the middle of the pitch and takes him to safety of the other side of the advertising hoardings.

Cheikhou Kouyaté slices a great opportunity wide with ten minutes gone after a good ball from Moses but that’s the latter’s last involvement in this game as he is replaced by Pedro Obiang. He hasn’t been at the races today but given his lack of game time this season you imagine that his legs are somewhat heavy. Norwich are beginning to sit deeper again and inviting West Ham onto the ball, defending in numbers and looking to hit on the counter attack. Just before the hour mark Sakho produces a lovely piece of skill with four Norwich defenders around him to find Payet but his shot is saved by Ruddy.

Twenty two minutes left in the game and Redmond is warming up on the side lines. Someone stick their leg out and trip him up. No one does and he comes on for Graham Dorrans. That’s certainly a positive move for Norwich given that they’ve been sitting back in this half so far. Alex Neil obviously thinks he can get all three points here this afternoon. Bilić obviously has the same thoughts as he brings Andy Carroll into the action.

Seven minutes to go and wouldn’t you just know it, Redmond scores for Norwich as his shot from 15 yards goes through a crowded box and into the net. The Hammers coaching staff obviously have shorter memories than I have. Can City hold on to win away?

Bilić rolls the dice once more as Noble comes off to make way for Mauro Zárate and it looks like the Hammers will switch to a 4-3-3 for the remainder of this game as they search for an equaliser. For all the glory in beating the likes of Arsenal, City and Liverpool away from home these are the bread and butter games that you have to win in the Premier League and as things stand this will be their third loss at home in four games so far. Just not good enough I’m afraid and the irony is that Norwich have done exactly what brought West Ham their success on the road. They’ve held back and soaked up the pressure admirably and hit the home side on the break.

90 minutes gone now and Norwich have defender Russell Martin to thank there as he clears off the line for Sakho. Four minutes of additional time have been shown and you can expect everything but the kitchen sink to be thrown at the City goal in that time. In the dying embers of the game now and West Ham have won a free kick in a dangerous position. Payet puts the ball into the box and Ruddy drops the ball and it falls against Carroll and spills forward and heartbreak for City as Kouyaté equalises for West Ham. I know parrots get sick but today there will be eleven Canaries on the pitch feeling sick after that late, late hammer blow which sees them leave with just one point. I said it a few weeks back readers that Norwich may well look back come May time and need an added column in the table for games they should have won and they’ve added another here today. You’ve got to feel sorry for the goalkeeper there because in fairness he hasn’t really had a lot to do this afternoon.

Leicester City 2 Arsenal 5

Saturday 26th September

Six games gone and the home side go into this game as the only unbeaten side in the Premier League following Manchester City’s perhaps surprise loss to West Ham United at home last weekend in the late Saturday teatime kick off. They take on an Arsenal side who they have failed to beat since November 1994 managing just six draws in the meantime but losing eleven in total. Their forward line is bound to give Arsene Wenger’s men a few headaches this afternoon as they go into the game as the league’s joint top goal scorers along with West Ham United. However they are yet to keep a clean sheet though no reports this week over whether Claudio Ranieri has bettered his offer of a tenner or a pizza for every player if they are to achieve that feet today against the Gunners.

For Arsenal this is the second season in succession that they’ve got ten points on the board from the possible eighteen after six games gone. Worrying for Wenger will be the fact that his side have only scored in half of those games so far but he elects to stick with Theo Walcott up front instead of Frenchman Olivier Giroud. Chilean Alexis Sanchez is still looking for his first league goal of the season having returned from South America in the summer a Copa America winner for the first time in his career.

As 4^th takes on 5^th Mark Albrighton comes into the home side whilst Mathieu Flamini fresh from his brace in the league cup against Spurs makes his first start in the league for 9 months.

Leicester start like a side utterly brimming with confidence and who have no respect for their opponents and on ten minutes Jeff Schlupp fires a shot away inside the Gunners box which is saved by Petr Cech and from the follow up Jamie Vardy hits his shot against the left post from 18 yards after a slight deflection off defender Per Mertesacker. That was a warning for the visitors there.

Just two minutes later and the Foxes launch a huge long ball down the field. Vardy brings it under control with his head and runs on into the box, one touch, two, three, shoots and he scores to make it 1-0 to the Foxes. That’s 4 in 4 for the England international and the King Power has erupted in a wall of noise.

As Arsenal look to find a way back into the game Sanchez combines with Walcott but his shot is easily palmed away by Kasper Schmeichel with sixteen minutes gone. Two minutes later and this game really is end to end as Albrighton sets up Vardy who heads onto the bar but the Gunners go straight up the other end and Walcott uses his pace to leave Huth in his wake and he scores to equalise.

Flamini’s afternoon comes to an early end with just 22 minutes played as he’s replaced by Mikel Arteta. That’s got to be an injury of some sorts surely this early into a game. This game is like ping pong on grass as the ball bounces from one end to another but eventually Arsenal make their possession count as a Héctor Bellerín ball into the box just pings up off a Foxes defender and Sanchez smuggles the ball over the line for his first goal of the season with 33 minutes played..

Into the second half and a very un-Arsenal like goal for the Gunners as Mesut Özil just lofts the ball high in the air with 12 minutes played of the second half and Sanchez heads home to double his tally for the season in the space of just 24 minutes. Whilst you can never totally write the Foxes off this does look like the end of their unbeaten run I’m afraid though you can never say never with this side of late.

Nine minutes left and maybe you can now say never with Leicester as Sanchez pops up to score from 25 yards into the bottom left hand corner. That’s 3 for the afternoon and his first ever hat trick in the Premier League for the Chilean. He’s been knocking on the door all season having had more shots than any other play coming into this game but the floodgates have opened today and he’s filled his boots and I’m throwing as many clichés as I can into this sentence. He’s a little bit special that lad he truly is.

With a minute remaining of normal time Andrej Kramarić sees his shot saved on the line by Cech before the ball is knocked in by Vardy for his second in the game but with the board going up to show 3 additional minutes of injury time even Leicester aren’t going to find another two goals in that short a space of time. However one man who does find the net is substitute Giroud who scores from 10 yards deep, deep into injury time to send another reminder to Wenger that his form is just perfectly fine thank you very much.

Well as entertaining games of football go that was right up there and with seven goals you can fill your boots but I’m still not convinced by Theo Walcott playing in that forward role. Yes he has pace in abundance and that enabled him to get past Huth easily before running on to score. Lewis Hamilton also has pace in abundance but that doesn’t mean he could ever be a forward. Oh and whilst Walcott has pace Huth would probably be outsprinted by John Terry in a race over 100 metres. With Walcott I personally feel he just misses too many opportunities. If you are given five opportunities or more per game to score your one each time then that’s a warning sign that maybe you’re not being played in the right position. So watch him join the list of players I’ve slated this season and go have a blinder next time out.

Stoke City 2 AFC Bournemouth 1

Saturday 26th September

If readers you are reading the gigantic all in one weekend match report you will know that I have mentioned already that Stoke City are one of four clubs in the football league who are yet to have won a game going into this weekend’s round of fixtures alongside Sunderland, Newcastle United and Newport County of League Two. You will also have seen that Sunderland lost to Manchester United and I can add that there was some away day cheer for County who won 1-0 away from home so could Stoke get that particular monkey off their backs against newly promoted AFC Bournemouth.

Stoke have only lost 5 times in 22 matches against their opponents but more importantly have only ever lost once at home against them. Obviously like every Bournemouth fixture in the first half of this season, this is the first time the two clubs have met in the top flight of English football. Of course in the second half of the season the line will switch to ‘this is only the second time these two clubs have met in the top flight of English football.’ I’m waffling, I will try get on with it. But I’m just saying…

This is Stoke’s worst ever start to a Premier League campaign whilst for Bournemouth it’s their best and their worst… OK fine I will shut up and get on with it!

In come Charlie Adam and Philipp Wollscheid for the home side whilst the visitors are unchanged from last weekend’s 2-0 win at home to Sunderland.

8 minutes on the clock and that didn’t look pretty as Callum Wilson turns and twists his right knee. He’s had the magic spray and is back up on his feet looking to run it off but we saw with Sergio Agüero for Manchester City the other day when he took a whack at Crystal Palace that maybe in these types of instances it’s better to get the player off sooner rather than later rather than keep them on the pitch. Yes he will carry the clubs main goal threat this afternoon but it’s better to have him fit and raring to go for several games having not risked it than it is to risk it. We shall see.

Oh no, four minutes later and Wilson has gone down with no one around him. Eddie Howe should have been braver there and taken the player off. Having suffered with dodgy knees for years when I used to play I could tell when he went down a few minutes ago that it didn’t look good. It’s a sad sight to see him stretchered off and worse for Eddie Howe as five of the clubs eight league goals have come from the player. That looks like it will keep him out for a few weeks minimum and he joins long term absentees Tyrone Mings and Max Gradel on the sidelines. The experience and goal scoring ability of Glenn Murray brought in from Crystal Palace on deadline day could prove vital to the south coast club over the forthcoming weeks and now looks a really smart piece of business in the market if it didn’t already do so before today.

Oh dear Bournemouth’s afternoon keeps getting worse as just past the half hour mark Marko Arnautović puts an inch perfect pass through to Jonathan Walters who gives manager Mark Hughes a timely reminder about putting a new contract in front of him to sign as he makes the score 1-0.

One minute to go in normal time in the first half and Marc Pugh finds Lee Tomlin in the box but he’s bottled it and passes the ball to Matt Ritchie when he really should have shot from there having been in the better position. Ritchie’s shot was saved but he could hardly have been expecting the ball from there when the forward should have rifled a shot away and would have probably found the equaliser from that range. I don’t know when his last league goal was but he seems to be missing some much needed confidence in front of goal if that pass was anything to go by.

Nine minutes into additional time in the first half and a Cherries corner is cleared and a swift counter attack ensues which ends with Arnautović not as inch perfect as his cross for the opener and his shot misses the target. At 1-0 the South Coast still have something to fight for and have 45 minutes to get back into this game but they won’t do it if they shoot themselves in the foot like they did just then.

On 76 minutes Ritchie pulls the ball back across the edge of the box for Pugh whose effort comes back to Dan Gosling after a deflection and it’s there – an equaliser for the Cherries. That goal has brought this game to life as four minutes later they go close again as a back heel from Ritchie finds the goal scorer Gosling but his powerful effort is pushed clear by Jack Butland in the Stoke goal. He has been one of the players of this season for me if not THE player of the season so far. The lad who is just 22 years of age is having an outstanding season since he was given the opportunity to become the clubs number one following Asmir Begović’s move to Chelsea in the summer. Stoke really have him to be thankful for, for the umpteenth time this season.

I was going to say Bournemouth will have been kicking themselves if they lose this one from this position but it looks like it’s going to be more heartbreak for Eddie Howe’s men as Glen Johnson sends in a great cross into the Bournemouth box to find Mame Biram Diouf who heads the ball home to give the home side the lead with seven minutes remaining in normal time.

Three minutes left on the clock and all credit to Howe’s side as they haven’t given up fighting for a share of the points. They send a long ball into the box from a free kick and it’s another fantastic save from Butland there one handed. He has surely won his side all three points with that. If ever a save said you’re not getting past me again today that was it. Do you know what I was so excited by that I can’t even tell you who took the strike. If Stoke have any sense they’ll offer him a new contract as soon as possible and stick in a big buyout clause into it to.

So Stoke have won, Newport County have won, can Newcastle find their first win in the late kick off against Chelsea tonight?